My voice as a Filmmaker

My voice as is definitely unique – both literally, and metaphorically.

I am Autistic, and I rely part-time on an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device to communicate. There are a range of AAC devices, I usually use one with a typing function. That means sometimes my voice is not made by my vocal cords – it is a literal robot!

But now for what you actually wanted – the metaphorical sense – meaning my voice as a filmmaker. I am Autistic. Every single one of my experiences in life, has been shaped by my being Autistic. My perception of events, both social and asocial, is different because I am Autistic. The subtle warnings from a teacher to stop rolling around on the floor was lost on me until they exploded in anger. The desperate need to line my toys up, rather than play hospital, wasn’t met with understanding. The loud buzzing of electricity in a room sending me into a meltdown – only I could hear it.

And because I had nothing more than a word to describe my experience – because a word without examples means nothing – I thought I was broken. Broken and alone. My life has been shaped by not understanding who I was, only understanding that I was different from my peers in a way that made me a target. The bullying was relentless, often to the point of physical abuse. This was a constant – so much so that it took me five years to even realise that it was wrong for them to treat me that way. I couldn’t understand an environment where I wasn’t ostracised (this re-occurred at my second school, my Autistic fear of change making it impossible for me to move again. I eventually escaped after an additional six years of bullying, moved to an alternative school, where was welcomed with open arms and even ended up school captain).

I had a huge gap in my understanding – mostly because I didn’t know any other kids like me, and I didn’t see any other kids like me. The closest thing I had was characters who would now be described as ‘autistic-coded’ – in other words, they probably meet the diagnostic criteria for Autism, but because of fear of disability (or simply lack of education), were announced as typical characters. Think of Josh Thomas pre-Autism diagnosis – Josh from Please Like Me was just as Autistic as Thomas himself.

But aside from these ‘autistic-coded’ characters, Autism representation in the media is very lacking. There are examples, like ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’, but too often these characters are either used to progress the plot of the main character (as Arnie does) or are used as some form of Inspiration Porn¹. None of these representations were satisfying to a growing mind desperately searching for a sense of identity. This is why I hope to create media – hopefully, one day a television series – to give kids like me a sense of belonging. Autistic (and otherwise disabled) characters who have their own agency. In doing so I hope to boost their confidence.

I also hope to reach non-Autistic (allistic) audiences as well, and teach them about Autism. In terms of age range – I have a few different ones in mind. I believe in the power media has, and want to create inclusive content for young children so bullying isn’t such an issue in classrooms (kids fear and bully difference), I also want to reach older audiences with different projects, to create representation for Autistic adults like myself. By aiming for already popular genres (like crime fiction), I hope this means I can also access allistic audiences.

¹ Inspiration Porn is a term coined by the late Stella Young, and refers to disabled people being portrayed as inspirational for doing ‘regular things’. This reduces disabled people to nothing more than a prop, and removes our agency.