Russell McGilton

Fear and Love

Russell McGilton PROJECT 2 RMIT MEDIA 1 from Russell on Vimeo.

In my self-portrait, I wanted to focus on the two things that are my greatest concern: my five-year-old’s well-being and my own. I hoped that this aspect of my project would reveal my vulnerability and thus show a part of me.

While becoming a father has been the most profound experience of my life it has, unfortunately, turned me into a worry machine! The unpredictability of what a child will do, that everything is a game to them, and will, without one thought of the consequences, do something that sets me off into a panic.

As much as this is true, I did, on the way, forget my own safety. Without ‘thinking of the consequences’ I was hit by a tram. My daughter’s response floored me: ‘How are you going to protect me daddy if you’re gone?’

So here, in my film, I wanted to show my on going anxiety, that the ‘adult playground’ is in fact not really for people at all and it is something I have to negotiate every day.

In terms of editing, I was inspired by the Kuleshov Effect montage by creating a repetition of the single portrait shot, and have tried, in part, to convey what seems disjointed visuals, but are in fact connected in a I kind of ‘alchemy’ to quote Scott McCloud (Blood in the Gutter). The text sutures these seemingly unconnected images and I think, even without text you would be able to ascertain a unifying meaning – anxiety over a child. You can see this with the rapid foot shaking, the clawed hands, the rapid cuts and the sound which increases with dramatic intensity towards the end.

Overall, I think I achieved what I set out to communicate. I think you get a sense very early on that it’s the perspective of myself as a father and my anxieties of the urban world for my child and myself.

On the other hand, perhaps I could’ve shown more fun aspects of fatherhood to give a sense of contrast but I let myself be dominated by the sound clips. In fact, sound has really told the narrative here – first it’s slow, then atmospheric and then mechanical and frenetic. I suspect, as I’m somewhat new to this kind of film making, have been led by the material rather than leading it.