THE SNAKE PIT 9th EDITION 2016 (Friday, August 12 2016)
WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN WHEN IT RUNS OUT OF CHOCOLATEâŠREPLACE IT WITH GRAVY
When you visit your local KFC what do you get along with you monumental gut churning stomach-wrenching hormone laden but shockingly delicious chicken drumsticks? A chlorine fished coleslaw? A Texan cropped corncob with the right amount of confederate spirit or maybe some artisanal basined sourced salt lightly seasoning on the moonshined French fries? But if youâre a true Kentucky Fried Chicken you would be wanted the side serving of ummmm I think itâs gravy, KFCâs authentic gravy the best choice for any underage chook. Usually the gravy comes in a cute little plastic cup perfect for dipping at most three of your drumsticks in your paper toss bin sized KFC chicken bucket but what if you wanted a larger supply of gravy? Well KFC and their innovative brains have finally come up with a solution to this third world problem. The solution is in the form of the thing which features the lead female character out of 1990 sitcoms and decision making towards obscure dessert options on a fancy occasionâŠthatâs right KFC solution is none other than a chocolate fountainâŠno wait a GRAVY FOUNTAIN?
Yes that is correct no longer will you be hit with the disappointment of having your RSPCA approved chickens dry to the bone without the fine assortment of gravy; now your mouthwatering golden fries and wingless chickens will fly into your mouth with a genuine satisfaction. So you may ask where is this incredible new invention available is it at all KFCâs? Well so far in itâs short time it is available officially in the UK and Ireland, with the twitter feed going ballistic with KFC lovers tagging it the âGravy Fountain of dreamsâ and quite a messed up dream if you ask me but equally an imaginative one. This invention has really shocked, amazed, stunned and sent consumers into frenzy some people even saying they would and I quote âThis simply has to be into every outlet. Iâd walk over broken glass and possibly sell my granny for that to be set in front of meâ. The first thoughts of course from this tweet are this person must have a pretty lowsy granny and secondly wow this fountain must be finger lickinâ good (youâre welcome KFC)! Of course this could ultimately tip some people over the edge already some people through twitter claiming that they will and I do quote âIâm just gonna shove my head under and drink it in!!!â not only is that kind of unhygienic but seriously who wouldnât do that (in their dream perhaps) but bear in the mind the gravy is frikin scalding! Also people being people well letâs just say went a little too far with commenting exactly what they would do with the gravy and I quote âIâd rub this all over my naked bodyâŠâ and let me just say this the person who tweeted this wasnât miss America or anything remotely super model-esque so it would be wise to avoid KFC in the UK for the next few months. The fact is KFC could make some serious money from this invention and although it seems far-fetched or remotely unoriginal KFC needs to do something right with their gravy.
Claims arising from BBC Ones documentary âThe Billion Dollar Chicken Shopâ delved into the actual make up of KFC gravy and found some very concerning things that have been proven true. In this documentary through an in-depth investigation it has been unearthed that the company has used five-day-old chicken and the liquids collected from underneath their seepage trays for their chicken to make their gravy. This liquid is the rapeseed oil and I know what your thinking what an appropriate name for the oil that KFC use for their chicken scraps; the oil is recycled 4-5 times before being used alongside the chicken scrapes at the bottom of the fryer to make up the gravy, mmm deliciously concerning. One KFC employee despite the investigation is saying regardless of the process âa lot of customers actually like our gravy, so it must workâ. I say to that regardless of whether it âworksâ or not, not only is it disguising but it is wrong and extremely unhealthy and potentially harmful to the consumer. Despite this documentary, sales for the KFC secret recipe gravy has never sold better producing over a million and a half tones each year. Another quite scary statistic is the amount of food wastage there is in an average year at KFC. Food wastage is generally a massive problem particularly in the United States with This Week Tonightâs host John Oliver explaining in one of his recent episodes that the amount of wasted food in the United States could fill 730 football stadiums a year. KFC alone throws out a staggering 3 tones of waste each year, another reason why many look condescendingly on KFC.
KFC to begin my Snake Pit rant has many problems, which have tarnished it, reputation and made it uncomfortable to visit. Although KFC in its home country of the USA is doing well in itâs sales, the reputation of KFC in overseas countries is at stake particularly in China. With more than 4,500 locations KFC in China KFC has been hit with continuous scandals, which has really hurt not only their reputation, but in conjunction to that there sales. It was proven that KFC were using expired meat in a factory, soon after this report, the supplier was shut down for business. KFC have been linked to rumours that they use mutant chickens, and although this have been proven false many are adamant this rumour is far from false. To continue on with this roasting of KFC in 2009 it was proven in a report conducted by Sarah. C. Corriher that in KFCâs food there are only 3 ingredients out of 29 that are considered ânaturalâ whilst approximately 90% of the ingredients are chemically âenhancedâ, with the chicken itself supposedly full of steroids, antibiotics and harmful growth hormones. The salts chemically ârefinedâ and increased levels of MSG within their food; MSG, which is prone for causing seizures, brain tumors and sudden heart failures. Perhaps the biggest issue facing KFC is their reputation is at stake and with growing reports of animal rights being abused with KFCâs chickens. A consumer awareness group Kentucky Fried Cruelty conducted research in 2009 and unearth the scary reality that over 1 million chickens are crammed into âexcrement-filled shedsâ where they never see daylight and are subject to a short and unhappy life. To keep in toe with animal rights regulations there was a breach in these rights as reports arising as early as 2003 with evidence of brutal videos of KFC factories torturing chickens, stomping them and placing them into boiling water to remove feathers whilst they were still conscious, a clear breach of animal rights.
Despite all of these rumours, speculations and scathing reports KFC is one of the popular restaurants in the world with almost 20,000 locations globally in 123 countries and territories as of December 2015 with revenue of $23 billion USD (2013). In Australia, KFC is pitching itâs food differently giving the branding a fresh and healthy look and with all the suppliers well known fresh suppliers of chicken with high standards, the new pitch for fresh chicken at affordable prices is really making it popular in Australia. The standards as mentioned by these suppliers are extremely high and their reputation has grown in Australia significantly especially with the popularity of the popcorn chicken, combo boxes and the $1 chips. With this in mind, KFC are representing the ideals of Colonel Sanders, being high quality chicken and âdoing things the hard wayâ. However what does this motto really mean? Colonel Sanders was a billionaire that created the most popular fried chicken franchise in the world, but little is known the truly hard life and hard road in which Harland Sanders had and just how close he was to stepping away from his dream or even discovering he had these innate talents. To truly understand and appreciate Kentucky Fried Chicken we need to appreciate the man who appears on all of the KFCâs branding globally, the Colonel.
Recently online there have been many inspirational quotes and stories of failures that have ultimately through adversity have became triumphs, one of these inspirational figures surprisingly for many was Colonel Sanders, why do these posts exist because of his legacy? Because of his success? No, because of his failures. Harland Sanders had a very rough life and when I say very I mean extremely difficult to such a degree that he was considering committing suicide in reflection on just how unsuccessful and how unlucky he was. But just how low was he and just how did he rise to figure that was so successful and religiously remembered today. His journey of difficulty began for Harland at the age of 5 when Harland Sanders Father died. At age 16 Harland quit school. At age 17 he had already lost four jobs. At age 18 he got married. He joined the army and was ousted. At age 20 his wife left him and took their child. He became a cook in a small cafe and convinced his wife to return home. At age 65 he retired. He felt like a failure and as a result decided to commit suicide. Harland sat writing his will, but instead, he wrote what he would have accomplished with his life and thought about how good of a cook he was and better he couldâve used that potential. So through hard thought and risk, Harland borrowed $87 fried up some chicken and using his unique recipe, went door to door to sell his signature recipe chicken. At age 88 Colonel Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) Empire was a billionaire. A man who started at 65 and failed 1009 times before succeeding will never be forgotten and his legacy will live on forever and his brand will stand the test of time.
At the end of the day regardless of whether you think KFC is disgustingly sick and whether it tastes like the gravy is recycled with rapeseed oil and chicken bits found at the bottom of the fryers, you couldnât deny the fighting spirit and the resilience of Harland Sanders. As Colonel Sanders famously quoted âIâve only had two rules: do all you can and do it the best you canâ, remember you have what it takes to be successful and for your ideas and your passions to make a real difference.
âBelieve. Dream. Try. Succeed. Age, no bar!â Colonel Sanders.
Michael Serpell
