Treatment and self reflection

Treatment of ‘Look  Both  Ways’

Two close friends; lovers, giggle and banter as they prepare for another day at uni. Their laughter and carefree temperament makes them stumble slightly on the uneven pavement. They are absorbed in each other. He is telling her stories about his high school days. She listens intently to the man  of her dreams.

Rounding a corner, they pass a ‘beware of vehicles’ warning sign. Their visibility is diminished in the narrow alleyway, and any awareness left is taken up by their infatuation.

Their eyes, locked onto each others,  don’t waver from  their interlocked gaze. From beyond  their line of sight, a grey Ford Falcon skids, its tires screech as it attempts to  stop. It is  over in  a blink. A lover is now alone. He cries out to heaven. Both pleading and angry.

Soon he resigns himself to reality. His lover is dead. He can  do  nothing but hold his head  in his  hands and look.

Later that day he must formally identify  the body at the morgue. He collapses at the door. He holds one hand up like he is reaching for the soul of his lover that has since left the cold body he knows is inside. He cant go in. It will  break him.

Self-feedback:

What I think works:

I think the indication that its style and tone worked was the feedback I received from a few fellow classmates. I think I was able to intermingle some directions for the camera angle and acting while also leaving some room for directorial input. I believe I managed to maintain the first person voice and to clearly impart the   story’s tone; one of love and loss.

How the piece could be improved:

As a written piece, I think one of the main critiques I would apply is that of its sentence structure. Through my perhaps lazy use of small sentences, important details might have  been glossed over. Furthermore, I  wrongly forgot to include the actual location of the narrative, thus leaving out a key factor in the construction of the story world. In  addition, There is a sense that I could have shortened it slightly to add clarity and succinctness.

I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.