Write about what you want from this studio? What you think this studio is.
When I initially chose this studio as an elective, I predominantly wanted to improve my ability to work with people and present my creative visions to them accurately. I had found that previously, I often struggled to find the language to tell my actors what it was I wanted from them, such as to “say it more like this” or “do it more like that”. I found that the words were never right. While I certainly still want to practice this skill, what I’ve found more upon taking this class is that I want to overcome my fears over directing people. I know in theory I’m the director, and my actors are working “for” me and there’s hence an expectation of authority or leadership, but I always struggle to take the reigns. I fear my work isn’t good enough to be worth acting for, or that these actors who are more experienced than me know more and that I should be following them. I doubt myself and my abilities, and I want to develop the confidence to say “no, do it again more like this” without fear of judgement or discord. Of course this isn’t related to any cruelty, respect and admiration for my actors will always be there, I just want to develop my ability to be assertive and clear in my vision, and especially to believe in my work’s worth. I suppose in essence then that my ultimate goal and desire through taking this class is to create confidence in myself, and develop an attitude of pride in my work, and the ability to stop fearing judgement from others and embrace my work’s personal ties to myself, humanness, vulnerabilities, and even at times ‘cringiness’; I want to be able to accept and showcase my work no matter what, rather than sticking to the creation of ‘safe’ content I dont think will be judged harshly, but that I’m equally unpassionate about.
Workshop activity reflections
Private moment exercise
While partaking in the ‘Private Moment’ exercise, I was surprised to find I felt vastly uncomfortable watching people. It felt greatly embarrassing and even invasive, to watch people mimicking their private moments. The vulnerability was striking, even with the knowledge that it was all fake and specifically chosen by each individual to be viewed.
Throughout the activity, I came upon the blatant realisation that I had difficulty connecting with others; I felt like I was violating each person, and that I didn’t have the right to watch their moments, that I had difficulty experiencing that intimacy and vulnerability even though it was staged and purposeful. I was hence interested in the relation between audience, vulnerability, and the performer. Within my research, I came across the artist Michel Melamed who staged a fascinating performance art piece.
Melamed attached himself to electrical wires on a stage in front of a live audience, and made it clear that any noise the audience made would send shocks (and therefore pain) to him (Diana T. 2016). A quote from the essay that elaborates on the social intricacies of performance, really resonated with my feelings from this task; “Maybe, this piece suggests, there is no such thing as a “solo” or one-person performance”. (2016).
I found that upon further reflection, I agreed immensely with this notion. My traditional ideas of performance, acting and media in general used to be rather simple; the actor performs, the movie plays, and the audience observes. There was no real sense of interactivity, no high stakes, nor any responsibility. The audience was there to almost act as a voyeur, witnessing an actor pretending to be vulnerable, obtuse, reprehensible, etc. and silently making judgments from the comfort of a dark seat. However, performances like Melamed’s, and even other artists more intertwined within the fine arts rather than theatre such as artist Marina Abramović and her infamous performance art piece Rhythm 0 (Hessel K. 2023), have caused me to reconsider the power of the audience within performance. I wonder how much the presence of an audience, influences it. In performance art, the element of interactivity of course is different to standard performance such as those of theatre or film, however, it’s interesting to notice the patterns of behaviour when an audience is given power, versus when they’re expected to silently observe.
My research all ultimately ties in to my own specific goals for the semester. My goals such as to be assertive when directing people, stem from both a fear of vulnerability, and a lack of research and understanding of performance and even human psychology, both of which are knowledge I’d like to continue developing and learning more about throughout the semester.
References
- Hessel K. (25/09/2023) ‘Marina Abramović’s shocking Rhythm 0 performance shows why we still cannot trust people in power’, The Guardian, accessed 2/08/2024. https://amp.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2023/sep/25/marina-abramovics-shocking-rhythm-0-performance-shows-why-we-still-cannot-trust-people-in-power
- Diana T. (2016) Performance, Duke University Press, https://doi.org/10.1515/9780822375128-005
Great Screen Performances homework
I found it somewhat difficult to complete the seemingly easy homework of ‘finding a great performance’ to show the class. When I initially read it, I presumed it’d be extraordinarily simple; there are plenty of great actors, scenes, and writers out there, how hard could it be? What I found, however, was that I struggled to find a performance that both felt ‘worthy’ and ‘dramatic’ enough. There was a subliminal expectation within myself, that the word ‘performance’ denotes dramatism and highly emotional vulnerability, usually related to more painful emotions. In the end, I chose to submit a scene that correlated with that internal bias, but upon reflecting on the homework, I wonder what it even means to be or act in ‘a great performance’. I noticed many others seemed to follow suit in posting dramatic, crying, screaming, miserable, pained performances for their homework submissions too, and I wondered; why? Why doesn’t a performance of intense joy and wonder such as Will Farrell in ‘Elf’ come to mind when the average person thinks of great performance? Why was only live action film included? These questions and more confused me, and I wanted to explore why only pain seemed to constitute as good acting/performance.
“In every performance, we seek validation and social support for our identity.” is a quote from (source). Though its claims are relatively simple, I find it appropriate within my own understanding and research of how performance is perceived. Validation and social support are certainly more traditionally associated with painful emotions, such as the expectation of comfort when someone cries. This might be part of why those particular performances stick with people, but I would argue that performances of joy, rage, humiliation and more, are just as worthy of praise and awe. I admittedly found it difficult to academically research emotion; it felt like a trick of disparity, trying to pit performance and art and emotion and creativity, against rigorous academia, analysing, and cold logic. It didn’t really make sense so much as I tried to connect them for this assessment. I hence am still continuing my journey on understanding the juxtaposition of emotion and performance, and why some emotions are seemingly more valid as an expression of art within performance, at least in terms of memorability.
References
- Favreau J. (2003) Elf [motion picture], New Line Cinema, New York, USA.
- Lambert B. (4/04/2017) ‘Everything is a Performance: The World’s a Stage’, How Communication Works, accessed 1/08/2024. https://www.howcommunicationworks.com/blog/2017/4/23/the-world-is-a-stage-and-everything-is-a-performance?format=amp
The initiative post
I noticed throughout my pondering about what to do with this assessment, that my father has a curious human habit and behaviour. I was never initially aware of it, but upon noticing it, I began to see it consistently. I found that my father has a strange habit of breathing in and gritting his teeth when saying something passive aggressive. It’s a weird habit to take note of, but one that was consistent all the same.
I consider my father the parent I’m closest to, and I’m very appreciative of him and his efforts taking care of me throughout my life. Despite this, people have described my Dad as any number of things, “strange”, “funny”, “absolute asshole” and the like (various personal communications, 2024).
In relation, my father is not a particularly outgoing man. Amiss to details, he doesn’t appreciate conflict, and often avoids it through passive aggression. I’ve noted many a time in previous years where he would make a snide comment about someone’s appearance, their relationship to him or their character. Each time would never be an overt “you’ve offended me” but an inconspicuous, vague yet easily defendable remark should he be called up on it. His manipulative tactics are nothing new, but neither is human disdain at another. While I disagree with aspects of my Dad’s character, I understand his views, as I’m sure most everyone does to an extent. We’ve all dealt with undesirable people in undesirable situations and social contexts, and though many of us offer restraint, there are some like my father who make their disdain known; I consider it a part of human life, to experience conflict in each person’s unique way.
However, my father’s attitude to conflict is not what interested me when researching for this paper. What enthralled me, was his physical facial manoeuvre, when he was expressing as such. A typical example of this would be someone states something my father doesn’t approve of, he responds with some snide remark, however, then curiously without fail, he will always grit his teeth, and suck a small breath in. His teeth will only bear a little, just ever so slightly from his bottom lip, and he’ll breathe in, no louder than his grit is obvious. The curious expression looks similar to Figure 1 sourced below, but of course featuring my father’s specific face instead.
Figure 1
Admittedly, I struggled to research why exactly my father has this seemingly unique quirk. I researched all I could think of, from physical symptoms of passive aggression to psychology to dentistry. Nothing notable really appeared in terms of a clear, distinctive, explanation. Unfortunately all I’m left with is an usual habit my father possesses, with no logical reasoning apparent from my studies. Despite this, within the context of performance, I find the epiphany I found about this behaviour incredibly valuable. There may be no evidence pertaining to why my father has this habit when disgruntled, but being aware of it helps me tremendously in my own, and the direction of other, performances and acting. It’s a subtle, yet noticeable to a keen eye, quirk that I feel really encapsulates a human experience; sometimes humans exhibit behaviour that is unreasonable, non-sensical and unexplainable by logic or science, but the behaviour is still relevant and still an excellent way to incorporate a sense of reality within art and performance.
References
- drkoos2 (2024) N/A [photograph], Ora website, accessed 28/07/2024. https://www.orasurgery.com/clenching-teeth-am-i-still-a-candidate-for-dental-implants/
- Epstein S. (28/09/2021) ’18 Signs That You’re Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Person’, Psychology Today, accessed 1/08/2024. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/between-the-generations/202109/18-signs-youre-dealing-passive-aggressive-person?amp