Throughout this week we continued to develop our ideas. On Monday, we each submitted and read each others vomit scripts;  we’re making a more in depth script combining all our ideas. according to girl, ” the first draft of my script will not be the final draft of my script and I allow myself to write a vomit drift, also known as a sh*tty first draft.” is how she defines the concept. I agree with the notion of it essentially being a barebones ‘shitty’ draft. I found writing the vomit draft far easier than writing a fully-fledged script worthy of sharing. Writing ‘insert joke here’ and eloquently calling the protagonist’s girlfriend ‘hot babe’ as a working name, was far less perceived pressure and stress, and allowed me to explore my own interpretation of the budding story, characters and dynamics, leading to more powerful and inspirational ideas and exploration.

After we each read the vomit drafts, we collectively decided which parts of each we viewed as strengths and enjoyed, and began to amalgamate them together. Amy and Harper then went ahead and wrote our first script draft (linked below), and we continued our discussion of cementing the story. At this rate, we’re aiming to finish the script, and start filming by the end of next week. Currently now that the script is done, we’re discussing the logistics such as who we want to cast and how we can film in the location we scouted.

In terms of the theory behind our ideas, this quote by Daniel Smith very much encompasses our view of our work. “Daniel Smith demonstrates that the comic sensibility pervading contemporary humour is as much ‘speaking truth to power’ as it is realising one’s position ‘in’ power.” We note that we wanted our product to represent our lived unglamorous experiences as students, and the notion of speaking truth to power very much is akin to this.

Finally, we prepared content for our panel presentation next week, including storyboards I did linked below. We want to present a solid high quality pitch, and truly encapsulate what we’re portraying so that we can get accurate and applicable feedback from our peers and professors on how to improve, and make this product the best it can possibly be.

Script:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1znYcWX1PKXIB8q8Nc4IFH-QZCCvo4OlWvbZPrGhStms/edit

Storyboards:

References

• Bourassa A. (June 12, 2023) ‘How to Write a Vomit Draft’, Is an Insider, accessed 04/05/2024. https://www.networkisa.org/screenwriting_articles/view/how-to-write-a-vomit-draft
• Smith DR. (2018) Comedy and Critique: Stand-up Comedy and the Professional Ethos of Laughter, Bristol University Press, https://doi.org/10.46692/9781529200164

This week we continued to cement our planning and did our informal group pitches.

Throughout this week we continued to develop our ideas, and discussed some key themes; we found that  we really wanted to explore a central theme of, “What does it mean to live a student life?”.

I did some research on typical stereotypes of students, particularly how they’re inaccurate and stale. the guardian potently puts it as “Every fly-on-the-wall documentary or dramatic representation of British students casts the same collection of characters; “the lad”, “the slut”, “the introvert” and “the geek”.”(2014).

my group really wanted to avoid these two-dimensional characters, and instead focus on a story more reminiscent of our lived experiences as university students in 2024. Rather than stereotypes of constant parties and hook-ups, we wanted to hone in on our experiences studying, particularly as a full time student struggling with the cost of living. For example, Casita states that “The average cost of living for a student in Melbourne is around AU$2,000 per month.” (2023). The Australian Bureau of Statistics similarly states in their ‘Selected Living Cost Indexes, Australia, Living costs for households whose main source of income is government payments recorded the next strongest rises’ (2024) subheading, that as the title implies, those on Centrelink and other government payments such as elderly and students, have risen in costs.

I can’t speak for all my group members, but as someone whose entire income is Centrelink (of which half I give to my family) and gig work as the job market is so dire, this is incredibly difficult to maintain. All those I’ve talked to are always surprised by how expensive everything is and how little work is going around, so I want to highlight this disparity through a drama film, and accentuate our struggles to those who may be unaware of the full extent.

In class we did a brainstorm activity in which we ‘vomit drafted’ ideas for the film, such as lines, events, dynamics etc. essentially, our goal was to think of as many possible film components and aspects as we could within a time limit. We likewise worked on a ‘vomit draft’ each (attached below) in order to begin to understand our desired narrative beats, style of film, and individual ideas.

Brainstorm activity

• student struggling at the supermarket to decide between 4.50 noodles or 4.30 noodles
• student meal consisting of two slices of salami some crackers a yoghurt and peanut butter sandwich
• alternative types of students like maybe an academic one who abuses the system such as perfecting two assessments in a subject then choosing not to do the last one (knowing they’ll still pass the subject thanks to the first two) because they cant be fucked
• why are students always tired e.g they stay up all night gaming crying arguing online etc.
• professors giving shitloads of assessments and work and asking students why they didn’t complete it while student is juggling 4 subjects and professor is at the club bc they only have one class ( i am aware this is inaccurate for many sorry Bradley I know you work very hard this is not directed at you)
• students being confused about aspects of Melbourne like how tf do you use a tram how to drive in city why is city layout like That etc.
• struggle of finding a job e.g. like those modern job interview tik toks where they be like hey i want a job ok do you have 2000 hours of work experience 4 degrees and a hamster what no im 19- cant hire you sorry not qualified – but this is a cashier job at mcdonalds??
• struggle of meeting up with friends bc half have class when you dont or work full time
• joke about how tiny most student living is apparently like living in shitty single room apartment for 67000000 a week thing
• weird ppl you see in the city sometimes? idk maybe its a me issue but one time a guy just had a whole ass pigeon on his shoulder on an escalator so
• other life goals of student in an inspiring monologue like no i must not be sad about uni bullshit, i have so much to achieve like being able to rent a house, getting bitches, buying food more than once a month etc.

Script vomit draft

Scene 1

Intro to scene bullshit they’re in a sharehouse thing 

Media student walks into kitchen for breakfast and they see piles of meat being dissected on the bench 

Media student: what the fuck

Med student: oh hey name, wait are you going out? Could you grab some more milk?

Media : I got milk yesterday 

Med: yeah but I had to use it to soften the meat so I could dissect it 

Media: literally what 

Med: so I need more but I can’t leave the meat I need to observe their reactions 

Media: reactions to what????? 

Med: dw bout it just get the milk 

Media: *some remark back but not cringe and edgy idk 

Scene 2 

Grocery store my beloved. Media is looking for milk. They see a bottle of milk look at price and put back. They repeat this 3 times. Finally they just grab a discounted big m or something and go. Probably add more like another character or a cashier experience but I’m shit tired rn so I’ll edit this later vomit draft for a reason

Scene 3

Media comes back to sharehouse 

Media: I’m back 

Med: *is asleep on the meat or some wack shit 

Media bruh moment 

Media puts milk in fridge and goes to bed 

Media FaceTimes gf 

Media: hey babe how are you?

Hot babe: hiiii good good how was class i haven’t seen you in forever 

Media: haven’t started yet, just went to get milk 

Hot babe: …was it for drinking or for the meat again ):<

Media: ……drinking…?

Hot babe sighs 

Hot babe: you need to tell him off 

Media: I can’t he’s got nowhere else to go

Hot babe: then you need to at least make him pay for the meat baby you can’t afford it

Media: it’s fine it’s fine I’m getting by I can buy it 

Hot babe: bab-

Media: I’ve gotta go to class sorry baby I’ll talk to you later-

Hot babe: (name)! – 

Media shuts laptop and sighs. 

Scene 4

Media student shit bored in class montage I’m thinking same mid shot he’s sitting in the same seat/ composition but people around him/lighting  change to symbolise monotonous passing of time 

Scene 5 

Media eating cup noodles alone at shitty table Dutch angle hint at breakdown 

Scene 6 

Media at myki top up sifting through like two five dollar notes and finding some loose change to top up myki 

Repeat scene 4 

Something something we see media be poor as until he reaches his breaking point and cries in the supermarket????? Something resolution is med student buying him a big m the end

References

• Roberts L. (18 July 2014) ‘ The Secret Life of Students isn’t an accurate portrayal of student life‘, The Guardian, accessed 03/05/2024. https://www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jul/18/tv-shows-secret-life-students-use-same-stereotypes
• Ashraf A. (14 September 2023) ‘ Melbourne Cost of Living for Students‘, Casita, accessed 03/05/2024. https://www.casita.com/blog/melbourne-cost-living-students#:~:text=The%20average%20cost%20of%20living,around%20AU%241%2C500%20per%20month.
• ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) (2024) Selected Living Cost Indexes, Australia, catalogue number 6467.0., Australian Bureau of Statistics website, accessed 04/05/2024. https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/economy/price-indexes-and-inflation/selected-living-cost-indexes-australia/latest-release

Post Index 

Post 1

How does Heaven even work? — Experiment #1: Sketch (Week 1)

Post 2

I want to experience cool things — Experiment #2: Sketch (Week 2)

Post 3

my boyfriend is real!? the not isekai movie — Experiment #3: Sketch (Week 3)

During this week, we discussed the concept of the comic frame as well as the structure of comedic story sketches. 

As Ben Voth elaborates, the comic frame is intrinsically tied to the media component of context; he states “…The contextual cues leading the interpretation of a message is centrally important to how we make symbolic sense. The symbolic structures humans use to impose order upon their lives are called frames.”(2014:149). 

Essentially, the comic frame refers to contextual clues influencing audiences to find something humorous. For example, you might laugh at more moments in a film knowing what you’re watching is labelled as a comedy, than you otherwise might have. This is one aspect of comic frame. Others include Kenneth Burke’s technique that Voth referenced “perspective by incongruity”(Voth, 2014).

Dustin Goltz contends “Tragedy provides no emancipatory power but merely identifies the flawed cycle of human constructed perfection and victimage…Burke’s intention was to promote his comic corrective as a way of dismantling the tragic cycle of human victimage to promote “peaceful social change (2007).

This technique explains that by utilising incongruity and subversion, innate human principles of violence can be challenged to instead emphasise acceptance of the ‘other’ through humour (2014:150). 

In comparison, Joe Toplyn expertly lists out a simple formula for how to write comedic story sketches. Toplyn’s experience in late night TV writing was fascinating to endeavour, and I found his direct steps and accompanying notes incredibly helpful in my own aspirations in writing comedy. 

I believe my own work corresponds to these concepts by having identifiable character traits and goals as Toplyn notes (2014:237). For example, the character I play, is insecure about what others think; she knows her partner is real, but she needs external validation; for others to know he’s real and how well he treats her. She evidently has dramatized traits garnering on insecurity and wanting external validation. In contrast, my video also encompasses Voth’s theory by creating a scenario that most would find upsetting in a realistic context; the notion of nobody believing your beloved exists would be traumatic realistically and promote many extreme feelings and actions, however, in the context of my film, these feelings are replaced with ones of humour and nonchalance.

Some feedback I received on my previous work denoted that my comedy had good expressiveness, framing, and premise. Some areas identified for improvement included to make the punchline and escalation more dramatic; a classmate quoted that the punchline “felt like it didn’t peak” (personal communication, 2024). Because of such feedback, in future work I will be paying more attention to my structuring and working towards dramatizing my comedy further in order to increase humorous effect and audience understanding of the intended joke and punchline. 

References

• Voth B. (2014) Encyclopedia of Humor Studies: Comic Frame, SAGE Publications, Inc., https://doi.org/10.4135/9781483346182
• Toplyn, J. (2014) Comedy writing for late-night tv : how to write monologue jokes, desk pieces, sketches, parodies, audience pieces, remotes, and other short-form comedy, Twenty Lane Media, LLC, Rye, New York.
• Goltz D. (2007) Perspectives by Incongruity: Kenneth Burke and Queer Theory, University of Colorado Boulder website, accessed 19/03/1024. https://www.colorado.edu/gendersarchive1998-2013/2007/05/01/perspectives-incongruity-kenneth-burke-and-queer-theory

Reflection

Throughout this week I predominantly explored the theories of Relief and Benign violation humour. 

The Relief theory focuses on the physical, and biological reaction of laughter, and how psycho-social components collaborate to enact a physical sensation (‘relief’).

As John Morreall quotes; “A good analogy is the way excess steam builds up in a steam boiler. These boilers are fitted with relief valves to vent excess pressure, and, according to the Relief Theory, laughter serves a similar function in the nervous system.” (2009). In simpler terms, the Relief theory explains that laughter occurs as a result of internal pressure that’s built up by the psychological and mental subversion of expectations.

For example, in a scene during Buster Keaton and Edward F. Cline’s 1921 film “The High Sign“, a background character drops a banana peel on the ground, and the main character marches towards it obliviously.

According to this theory, the audience is on edge building up internal pressure, expecting/dreading for him to slip on it. To their surprise (and in compliance with the Benign violation theory), however, he stares directly at the camera, and completely avoids the banana. As a result of the character avoiding a trope, and relieved that he isn’t hurt, the audience laughs at the subversion of a stereotype, and releases that internal pressure in the form of physical laughter.

The Benign Violation theory however, specifies that people only laugh when they appraise the subversion of social norms as unimpactful, either to the victim or themselves. The quote “…the victim who is crushed with an anvil or slips on a banana peel is not actually hurt (it is often just an act) or the viewer does not care about the victim’s wellbeing, or both.” by Caleb Warren (2015), explains this more; there needs to be both a subversion of expectations, and an assessment of victim welfare for viewers to laugh.

My video is set up to have a punchline be some dark humour about a lack of parental love, however, the real joke presented is that I haven’t been to a concert; connotations with a lack of parental love can range from loneliness to abusive, and hence by not making that the joke but instead a lack of a harmless experience relieves and surprises viewers, adhering to the subversion of expectations present in both theories, as well as components of harmlessness/ victim welfare in the Benign theory.

While I did not personally receive feedback on my Week 1 work as I wasn’t able to participate due to illness, reading through that class’s notes about feedback and what encompasses usefulness and how to genuinely improve upon your work through counter opinion was invaluable and something I will certainly use going forward. 

References 

• Moss-Wellington W. (2021) ‘Benign violations in the suburban ensemble dramedy’, Comedy Studies, volume 12(1):2-14, https://doi.org/10.1080/2040610X.2020.1850100