Another World
A Scriptwriting studio with the objective of creating world

The creation of a fictional world is a concept I’ve always been drawn towards and endlessly fascinated with. How does one even begin such an intimidating undertaking? What makes a good one? What makes a bad one?
With the help of the studio, I now believe what makes a great screen world is when world isn’t an after thought, a vessel for narrative. When the world is a like a character in of itself, conveys information without telling the audience what they are meant to feel, but rather by showing them. That is the mark of a great world and that was the standard I tried to achieve in creating my own world this semester. Throughout the course of this process, or perhaps a better word would be journey, I discovered the intricacies of creating screen world, the technical skills of scriptwriting, and the collaborative power found in tables reads during the script development stage. The final product I created: the screenplay of Broken Pine was the accumulation of, and in thanks to, everything I had learnt in this studio.

The world of Broken Pine
I was inspired by the screen worlds of Stranger Things (2015-) and Stand By Me (1986) Dir. Rob Reiner. I drew from the elements of these worlds that I liked best – isolated worlds without much outside influence. I kept this in mind when I was creating the parameters and internal logic of Broken Pine. I knew I wanted the world to be small, isolated, tight-knit and self-sufficient. I wanted it to be very much removed and almost suspended in time and place. Rather then achieve this by having the only characters seen in the world be my four protagonists, isolating them in that respect, I decided to introduce dozens of characters that all know one another exceptionally well. The complete lack of anonymity creates a lack of freedom; every action is watched and relayed through the community, with consequences to match. Though there are many people living in the world of broken pine, I hoped this mentality would create a sense of isolation and frustration, being trapped. However, on the other hand, simultaneously creating a world where the majority of the inhabitants can thrive from that mentality, and find a deep sense of belonging. I believed I achieved this.
Accompanying my script excerpt, my other proof of narrative included a 2-minute mood reel shot on the location of inspiration: Bright, Victoria. I found this video really useful as a point of reference for the type of vibe my world had. Whenever I struggled with how I was going to proceed in the script, or when I was reviewing what I had added, I would watch the video and make sure I was staying on theme, setting and tone. I was really happy with how the video came together, however there is one aspect I think I could improve. Late in the edit I decided I wanted to include a voice over reading the beginning of my script. However, the words of the script were describing a scene that didn’t match the video. This created a disjointed effect. It was too late to return to Bright to film more footage to match, so I tried moving around the footage I had to try and accommodate. It still was disjointed and it now had lost the rhythm and pace I like so much. I considered scrapping the voice over altogether, however after encouragement from my peers I decided to keep it, hoping the positive inclusion of the voice over out weighs it’s negative effect on the flow of the video.

Another small miscalculation worth mentioning is, since I created my mood reel before my script, I didn’t have anything to show my peers during the earlier workshop stages in class. I think this was a mistake, and if I had to do it again, I would defiantly work on my script first. However, during our last week we had a table read with the whole class, at which point I had a rough draft and was able to take part. This was my favourite aspect of this studio. Though receiving feedback, I learnt how to give feedback that is actually useful. I also realised how far encouragement can go in reenergising and inspiring a scriptwriter – because I had felt theses things during the feedback process. My biggest take away from the feedback was “what aspects of the script emphasised world?” and “what aspects can be left unsaid, or communicated in another way?” I found this process to be incredibly useful and encouraging.

An example of implementing such feedback:

Originally after Rich emerges from the forest I had Jess saying:

After Stayci suggested this could be an opportunity for this to be left unsaid, I replaced it with big print.

Replacing the dialog, while still having the same effect.

This was a really important tool I learnt and one I know I will defiantly use in my creative practises in the future.

Reflecting back on this studio I certainly learnt a lot. I began with next to no knowledge of the scriptwriting process and literally no knowledge in regard to the process required creating a screen world. I feel equipped now and excited to further develop Broken Pines, and have a go at creating other worlds.

I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.

As preparation for my presentation I had one simple task: further develop the narrative I already had with the focus on drawing from the notion ‘world’. What I had so far was a whisper of a story, the bare bones of a narrative that would come to inhabit the world I would build around it.

My narrative so far was:
Four young people encounter a conundrum. They are somewhere they shouldn’t be when they discover an injured dog in need of their help.
But that was it. That was everything I had.

With this came endless possibilities. Since I hadn’t yet formed my world, every crazy idea had a home in that world. I could literally go in any direction, and attempting to narrow that down was hard and stressing me out. It seemed I had presented myself a classic Paradox of Choice scenario, as framed by psychologist Barry Schwartz: The more choices we have, the more anxious we are about making a choice at all.
It was from here I decided to draw on my previous studio experience- Translating Observation with Robin Plunket. During the beginning weeks of this studio, we were tasked with observing our often-mundane surroundings and attempt to translate it into a story that could then potentially be translated into film. With this method in mind, over the Easter Break, I observed multiple real life scenes and imagined they were located within the world of my narrative. I would write dot points about the world and how these scenes fitted in it. It was my hope this would help identify and flesh-out some ideas of my world, its parameters, limitations, internal logic etc.
Basically my goal was just to make a start. And it worked.
During this creative exercise, I wrote freely and as quickly as possible, it was almost like a stream of conscience, I didn’t stop to correct spelling or use punctuation. The end results were pretty gosh darn messy and borderline illegible.

I did this exercise twice and during one of them, I had a Eureka moment: Go small!
The video I’ve submitted as my work-in-progress demonstrating my explorations toward creating a screen story inspired by the notion of ‘world,’ is the video that was one of the prompts I used. The video depicts an elderly woman beside her little blue Hyundai out the front of her local IGA. Slowly and cautiously putting shopping in the back seat before getting into the front seat and closing the door.


I decided I wanted my world to be claustrophobically small. Like an organism where every character is a microscopic cell, interconnected with the next, all part of a greater whole: the world of Broken Pine.

From this idea, I formed the basis of my power hierarchy. Keeping on theme, I decided to set the world in a low socio-economic landscape. Further limiting the world and freedom of the characters by introducing an economic reliance to a central figure: the lumber yard. This reliance creates power, elevating the lumber yard and the ‘lumber boss’ to an almost untouchable level. I hoped this would create a mentality of: ‘to go against him was to go against yourself’.

In such a small world I believe freedom must be reduced. Options limited. I found this to be a classic match up. In almost every small screen world I researched, present too are restricted options and feelings of being trapped, yearnings to break free of the small world.

Beautiful Creatures, Dir. Richard LaGravenese (2013)

The Truman Show Dir. Peter Weir (1998)

I asked myself why this coupling is repeated again and again? I came up with a work in progress theory: Freedom matches the space.
When there is space there are options, escape routes, freedom. Similarly, where there is limited space, when the world is small, there are equally limited options and therefore less character freedom.
For example: When Arya kills the Waife in Game of Thrones, (2011-) (season 6), due to the incredible size of the world of Game of Thrones, she is able to leave the House of Black and White in Braavos, and therefore the consequences of her actions behind. The freedom she extracts due to the space of the world also acts as a motivating factor. Raising interesting questions, would she have even killed the waif if she knew she had nowhere to run to afterwards – if she was trapped in the much smaller world of Braavos?

I factored the size of the world into my character motivations too. Initially I didn’t know myself the resolution to my story. What do the kids do with the injured dog? Now, factoring in motivations based on world, I decided the kids would split into two camps, led by ‘lover boy’ who is acutely aware he is probably going to be trapped in the world of Broken Pine for the rest of his life, just like his father and elder brothers. Therefore he is against killing the lumber boss’s dog, as such action would anger the lumber boss and result in wide-felt consequences he couldn’t escape. The other camp led by ‘quiet boy’ has no ties to the lumber yard and has no intention of staying in the world of Broken Pines. Ambitions of leaving the world strengthens his motivation to put the dog out of its misery by killing it, since he knows he will be able to escape the consequences by leaving the world for university in the near future.

This exercise was incredibly fruitful in regards to developing my world further, especially with the presentation on the horizon. I will certainly be bringing this creative exercise out again when I am troubled with any pesky Paradox of Choice scenarios in the future.

As screenwriting living legend Shonda Rhimes once said, “…when it comes to collaborating- giving and receiving feedback- sitting quietly is a mistake. “And that is the most deadly mistake you can make. That is exactly how you get fired.” Rhimes continues, “….the most silent person in the writer’s room is usually the first fired person in the writer’s room, because people start to either think that the person is stupid or creepy or honestly doesn’t have anything to say. And once that happens, you’re doomed.”

Thursday’s presentation was certainly not quiet. I was talking, panellists Lucy, Michelle and Stayci were talking back, it really felt like a writers room (as far as I know) rather then just a pitch, which was awesome.
Returning to my seat after my presentation, trying to cough away my shaky voice, and awaiting my feedback, I remember thinking, “alright guys, roast me. Tear my presentation apart.” As if negative criticism is the only constructive kind. To my surprise, the feedback, for the majority, was positive.

This made me really reflect, realising, hearing what was working is probably more helpful then highlighting what is not. If the feedback had done the latter, I would re-address those points but still not know if my work had any redeeming factors; is it even worth developing? Understanding what aspects struck a chord with the panellists was incredibly helpful for me. It affirmed I was on the right track. This is helpful in directing the world and narrative, for example, Lucy mentioned, “I love how small your world is, that is really on your side.” I was considering expanding the world a little, to include relations of characters a couple of towns over, this feedback helped me realise, that wasn’t narratively necessary and wouldn’t advance the ‘claustrophobic feel’ of the world, but rather dilute it.
Another line of feedback from Lucy, and something I turned over in my mind for days, was “think of the visuals of the lumber yard… little bit dangerous.” It was clear she had picked up on the low-key sinister vibe I was trying to communicate about the lumber yard, despite it providing a living to the majority of towns folk, viewed as a saving grace in their eyes.
I was enthused this had been communicated well but I remembered that our presentations were ones of worlds; presenting the world in which your story will take place. It was easier to communicate the vibe of the lumber yard because I literally had an entire PowerPoint slide dedicated to it.
Translating that illusive vibe into my script would be much harder. And I think that’s what Lucy was saying, use the visuals of the lumber yard – describing the visuals to be a little bit dangerous was my way to communicate the dangerous under-current of the lumber yard pulsating just beneath the surface, without saying “there is a dangerous under-current in the lumber yard pulsating just beneath the surface.”

I had a quick go at how this might look.

I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.

Presentation Preparation

Presentation Feedback

Word count: 1454

Influential text

Collaboration

Jamie and Sam: a twisted love story

I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.

I’ve always loved stories. I love reading stories, writing stories and watching stories unfold on the screen. I love when I get so absorbed into the world of a book, that after taking a break, when I’m looking to return to that world again, I have to pause and think. Because I genuinely don’t know if I had been reading a book or watching a movie. It was so surreal, I could see every detail as if I was watching it on a screen. I have always believed the highest form of escapism can only be found in the written word, and I think that’s where my new found fascination with scripts came from.

Like Bridge to Terabithia (2007) Dir. Gábor Csupó, (where Jess builds an imaginary bridge across the river connecting his mundane world to the fantastical one of Terabithia.) Scripts are these mythical objects that connect the world of the written word to the magical world of film.
Its probably a incorrect view, but I had always viewed scripts as a sort of bastardisation of a novel; not so much faithful to the telling of the story, as to doubling as an instruction manual to translate the story to film. Stanley Kubrick, co-writer and director of The Shining (1980) agreed with this school of thought. He said: “A screen play isn’t meant to be read, it’s to be realized on film.” This reinforced my misconception that scripts were purposely dry and not descriptive; they’re meant to be used to just make films, right? The details and description of setting and character must lie at feet of the director, right? Scripts are just for dialog right? Right!?

I discovered this wasn’t the case.
(so so so far from it. Basically I’m an idiot.)
The screenplay of Frozen River, (2008), written and directed by Courtney Hunt, was amazing. I really enjoyed reading it. It was a bit of a game changer.
Frozen River was super descriptive, effectively established the world, and consequently, the tone and logic of the world quite early on with no/limited dialog. Additionally, the screenplay, as evident by the film, was also a highly effective ‘instruction manual’.

It certainly schooled me for forming seemingly airtight options on scripts without reading any examples. Oops.

Side note: I didn’t like the film. I thought it didn’t do the script justice, admittedly, probably due to budget. None the less, the Frozen River screenplay deserved better. Maybe one day pal.

From here came the question of application:
All the scripts I’ve ever written (grand total: 1) were for myself. I already knew what I wanted. If I were to write a script now and release it out into the world, I would want to equipment it best I could to ensure if someone else picked it up, it would be made as close to my image as possible.

How I was to go about this troubled me, I don’t really know how. But since Frozen River could, I felt a little reassured. After rereading and rereading the script, and really thinking about what aspects helped best create the ‘World’ of North Country, Upstate New York, I realised the answer lies structurally, in the big text.

Using just the big text from the screenplay, Courtney Hunt was able to communicate a heck load.
For example:

From here we can answer questions such as:

1. How does the world affect the tone of what we see?
Caravan park, rusted playing set, set in winter > low socio-economic standing, serious, survival mode > bleak tone.

2. Internal logic: how does the world operate?
Lack of money> got to hustle> do illegal shit
Discovering new rules and logics > take shoes away to keep them from running, how much it costs to smuggle people

I plan on referring back to this script as a structural example of scriptwriting for my own final project, for sure.

Side note: I know we quickly touched on in class the danger of over description, and going forward I would be conscience of that, but the realisation that script can be more then ‘he said, she said’ well… Is really exciting.

I can’t wait to try this out with my final project!

Collaboration.
Being a kid with a couple or so sisters, I’m pretty comfortable with ‘collaboration’. All be it that sometimes just meant yelling over each other, the final idea often being the loudest. However, those days are (not so) long gone.
Working with our peers at uni, and in the future, our colleagues, is really important in our media-based line of work. For, as John Cleese best said: “I always find that if two (or more) of us throw ideas backwards and forwards I get to more interesting and original places than I could have ever have gotten to on my own.” A lot of truth rings true in this statement.
Drawing from a recent, and perhaps not so typical example of collaboration from this studio: defining difficult terminology. A couple of abstract, and at least for me, pretty difficult terms have come up over the past couple of weeks in class. One such example includes: tone. What is tone when put in the context of a world? During class our table got to task, bouncing around definitions and associative words. I defined it as “the attitude a piece takes”. Someone took that, and bounced back “feeling” and then “colour” and “temperature” and “mood”. Next, as a collective class we thawed out the idea of tone further, finally coming up with some impressive and really comprehensive ideas.

Such included:
– “Tone is the culmination of sensory stimuli employed to extract a general feeling, attitude or emotion from an audience/consumer”
Ed.

– “The degree and nature by which aesthetic and narrative elements formulate an intended emotional and psychological affect in a viewer or reader in construction of a world.”
Michael.

Collaboration was key in arriving at these definitions. As a collective whole, we were able to arrive at an understanding of the term tone. One I know I would have had zero chance of arriving at individually.

However collaboration is present, if you’re open to it, in many forms in life. Including the more traditional form we attempted in class during week 2. After watching a short film titled J’Attendrai Le Suivant (I’ll Wait for the Next One) we discussed as group how this short film could continue if it was a feature length film. A fun activity that our group really engaged with and got a little silly with- which was great! After settling on a few core things such as who was the protagonist (the female train commuter) we let our imaginations run wild. Towards the end seemingly trying to one up each other with the sheer preposterous nature of the next idea.

“she’s got brain caner!”
“she’s a ghost!”

I thought this lack of boundary was wonderful. It lent very well to a creative freedom that the group tapped into together to produce some actually pretty cool ideas.
I think collaboration is a great tool to utilize to further develop a well thought out story in a script, novel or film form, as well as acting as a really useful tool for the brainstorming stage as well. In this case, collaboration also acted as a welcomed reminder to not take yourself too seriously.

Jamie and Sam rounded a corner and strolled into another of RMITs seemingly endless hidden city laneways. The bitumen was still damp from the morning’s brief shower, making the unusually warm autumn day feel muggy, as well as hot.
Loosely holding hands, Jamie broached a subject that had been laughed off and discarded without a serious response, for months now.
“Soo” Jamie began, drawing out the vowel. “When I am going to meet your mum?”
Sam, as if he had been shocked, with Jamie’s hand the conductor, let go of her hand.
“Jamie” He whinged “you’ve already spoken to her on the phone, what more do you want?”
“What more do I want?!” Jamie fired back, her face turning red with emotion.
“I…” she began, “I..” she stuttered again. Her mind racing, unable to articulate fast enough all the more things she wanted.

I like how descriptive this piece was, I could envision the scene as if I was a voyeur on the day, which, personally, is the measure by which I judge how good any piece is.

Side note: I’m finding critiquing my own work really difficult and awkward, I feel like a tosser saying I thought I had some strong elements. However, feeling this way in of itself is interesting, probably meaning I need practice in being introspective and articulating what I like and don’t like about my work. I certainly don’t do this often. Anyway, continuing…

I liked how this description gives depth to the characters without much dialog. For example we knew from Sam letting go of Jamie’s hand so aggressively, the subject of her meeting his mum is an unwanted one. Similarly, I like the use of limited/broken dialog to illustrate the choked, constricted nature of Jamie’s feelings regarding not having yet met Sam’s mum. Like her “racing mind” grappling with the possible reasons he wouldn’t want to let her into his life fully, Jamie cant articulate herself very well. This is frustrating for Jamie as she wants to have this conversation, but her emotion, like an unwanted third character, is siding with Sam in shutting it down. This demonstration of the traffic Jam of emotion Jamie is experiencing adds explanation as to why Jamie would run away from Sam into oncoming traffic: she felt confused, frustrated and most fiercely; she felt unwanted.

The most useful feedback I received was to write in the present text. It seems so obvious now, but all scripts are written in the present text, therefore, for this activity at least I should too. I think this would definably improve my piece and make it easier to translate into script form.
So I did so:
Jamie and Sam round a corner and stroll into another of RMITs seemingly endless hidden city laneways. The bitumen, still damp from the morning’s brief shower, made the unusually warm autumn day feel muggy, as well as hot.
Loosely holding hands, Jamie broaches a subject that had been laughed off and discarded without a serious response, for months now.
“Soo” Jamie began, drawing out the vowel. “When I am going to meet your mum?”
Sam, as if shocked with electricity, with Jamie’s hand the conductor, let go of her hand.
“Jamie” He whines “you’ve already spoken to her on the phone, what more do you want?”
“What more do I want?!” Jamie fires back, her face now red with emotion.
“I…” she began, “I..” she stuttered again. Her mind racing, unable to articulate fast enough all the more things she wanted.

I also think it would be interesting/ an improvement to remove the narrative ‘voice’ of the piece and place it in first person. For example instead of “Her mind racing, unable to articulate fast enough all the more things she wanted.” It would be “my mind racing, flooded with all the more things I wanted, yet couldn’t articulate”.

While I did find writing this piece easy and enjoyable, my biggest angst is then trying to translate the except into script form, as was the next class activity. I think I’m nervous because I don’t have much practise with it, however I think this is a pretty good base to go off.

“I learned something in the studio that highlighted my previous experience/lack of previous experience with screenwriting…”

As we ventured into week 2 we began to further tease out some of factors that are involved in developing the character’s world. Some of the points of discussion included:
Using the character’s backstory as tool for exploring limitations and responses to the world and exploring the boundaries of the world.
For example, this is evident in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, 2012 Dir. Stephen Chbosky. The abuse Charlie was a victim of as a child, resulted in a deep guilt that impacted his ability to form friendships, and how he reacted to current situations of conflict.

I found this train of thought really interesting, so, I followed it for a while until it morphed into something different, and down the rabbit hole I fell.

I began as follows…

Which came first? The chicken, or the egg?

I wondered, in constructing a world, which comes first- the character, (including their backstory) or, constructing the setting and the physicality of the world?

Did the writers of Sex and the City (TV Series 1998–2004) begin by creating their version of New York City, and THEN inhabited it with 4 woman, and followed their exploration of that world for 6 seasons? Or…. did they begin with Carrie Bradshaw as a polished character, and THEN realised that someone whose favoured mode of transport included walking freakishly fast in stylish stilettoes, and catching yellow cabs in the rain, could only exist in NYC?

These are the questions that keep me up at night…watching sex in the city… all 6 seasons.

I finally settled on the idea that there are probably no hard and fast rules, right? Which is kinda a bummer because I love rules and guidelines; I think they’re great.

However, in reviewing my class notes, I realised maybe there was!

“It is the characteristic of the vast majority of cities in the movies that they focus not on architecture per se, but on architecture as it affects, and is interpreted, by citizens.”
– Thomas
(Forgot about that bad boy)
I really agree with this, I think it makes a lot of sense. I am totally adopting it as a guideline for future attempts at screenwriting.

Cheers Tom from 2003
xoxo

I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.

The pitches.
Nerve wracking
Interesting
Soul sucking
Educational

I was very interested in hearing everyone’s pitches, they were quite varied despite the reoccurrence of trains, and I saw a lot of exciting potential. I tried to maintain notes on each person’s presentation but the anticipation of my own emending presentation was distracting, especially since we deviated from alphabetical order. By around 10 people in, sweaty browed, I realised the anticipation is surely wholly worse then the presentation itself. I should just rip off the preverbal band-aid and get it over with. Boy was I wrong, it was worse. My presentation was painful and embarrassing. I was proud of my pitch and I felt like I didn’t do it justice. I wanted to just throw out the URL to my blog post on my pitch so that way I could save everyone the experience. I understand that in our industry pitching your ideas are crucial, and the delivering of that pitch can make or break if your film gets made. I really have to work on it. I guess practise is the only way. Joy.
The set up of the guest observers was a really valuable aspect and gave the entire production a professional polish. As I was judging their judgment of peoples film ideas, I was impressed. However less so with my feedback, the male, James I believe, informed me: “Split screen has been done to death.” I took his feedback as an opportunity to received criticism while not taking it too much to heart. While I welcomed his perspective, in this case I wont be taking it on board.
All in all, I CAN NOT WAIT for Mondays class. Only exciting things ahead.