So in our second class of this week, we just spent the time working on our drafts and speaking to Stayci for advice on our writing.

While I didn’t ask her anything because I honestly didn’t know what to ask – although I definitely do need some feedback on my writing so far – from reading what I have so far made me think about a lot of things and give me an idea on the kind of questions to ask to improve my writing.

One, I’m not really sure where I’m taking this story. I feel that it lacks narrative. My theme of mental illness (anxiety) has been evident from the beginning. However, it’s the direction of how the relationship between the two characters will form and how they can overcome, or at least, continue to live their lives knowing how to better care for themselves.

And I suppose, this leads me to my second point which I have come to realise is actually a way to solve my first point. Instead of trying to depict two people with anxiety in the present moment, I will have one character help the other through their struggles, and I would use a flashback as a way to still show how the former has anxiety while still providing advice. I’ve also come to realise that I would just make this a story about Haven going through something in her life that triggers her anxiety and Coralie is able to help her through it.

Lastly, I am still trying figure out how I can write audio visual cues for these inner feelings and thoughts. Below are excerpts of my attempts so far:

It’s a short example of how I tried to show Haven having social anxiety using voiceovers to reflect her inner thoughts on paper, and to also give context to the other visual cues to depict her anxiety being triggered. I think this is something I see myself continuing among other descriptions to use to depict her anxieties and inner thoughts.