To find out what I’ve written so far, see this post about what I got.

Today, we had our work-in-progress presentations with guest panelists, Smiljana Glisovic and Dylan Murphy to give us feedback.

While they thought my concept was good, the one specific feedback I got, and which they both shared, is how can I show the internal, externally? What are the audio visual cues for the characters’ anxieties, especially since I am exploring the idea of anxiety being different for everyone. Smiljana also mentioned breaking up the piece a little bit as it is a lot of text to read (referring to the first two pages of my draft) and about considering having emotional room for the audience.

Honestly, I am still figuring out and experimenting in my writing as to how I can show the internal, externally. With my story having characters facing (mainly) internal struggles, it is challenging for me to put it into words that describe what they look like on the outside when they are feeling certain things in the inside. Writing about sounds that relate to what characters are feeling (i.e. loud heart beats and heavy breathing) is just one way that I have been exploring ways to incorporate the ‘audio’ in audiovisual storytelling.

In terms of exploring the idea of people having different kinds of anxiety, I have been thinking about  how I have been like in certain situations and dealing with my anxiety, and using that to write in for one of the characters. However, I have also been researching this topic to get a better idea of different coping mechanisms and gaining a much wider perspective as to how I could write different situations/coping mechanisms better.

But again, my challenge from here onwards is how I can show these in my writing. So I do need to consider other techniques in regards to incorporating diegetic and non-diegetic sounds. This includes music in the background or even voiceovers in order to actually get in the character’s perspective and speak into existence what is going through their minds.

I did mention in my presentation about trying to be placed in characters’ perspectives and I say this being a visual thinker/filmmaker where the audience is placed in a point-of-view shot. So this is something that I need to experiment with in my writing as I want to avoid writing something that sounds as if I’m telling a director how to direct this film. I may need to consider using ‘we’ to describe POV shots as a way to transition from being an omnipotent presence to active viewing.

Continuing this feedback on my writing, I also do think that I need break the text up a little bit. It can be a lot to read. While I am still exploring writing this story in mostly big print, my writing could definitely be improved. As in, I could use more specific action words and I’ve realised that, when reading back my draft after the presentation, I have sometimes repeated myself after the slug lines. For example, stating that the character is in a particular place and the slug line literally states the place they are in before the action text. So I need to really proof read my draft and watch out for this as I continue to ensure specificity.

And finally, the bonus feedback on considering having emotional room for the audience. I really don’t want this piece to be overly heavy on the heart. If ever I give myself the chance to turn this screenplay into an actual short film, I do want it to have a lighter tone. I’m not trying to make people feel sad for others having anxiety, or people with anxiety feeling sad about what they’re dealing with, and I most certainly am not here for romanticising mental illnesses.

If anything, what I am really hoping to get across is a story that’s a little more optimistic but still remains be very real about this topic. So trying to get this across in my screenplay means that I need to think about how I can place the two main characters, who are just regular people leading normal lives, being triggered by everyday situations and how they overcome their overwhelming emotions.

And that is where I’m at.