Write and Reflect: Q2

Assignment Q2

We have been asked to upload a piece of writing and reflect on it. The prompt asks us to reflect on something we have written in class. Instead I thought it could be interesting to have a look at a couple segments of the short screenplay I wrote during the summer. I think this could be an interesting task because I wrote this script before I had begun to receive (via Picture This) any formal training in screenplay writing. Here is a segment:

INT. PRESTON MARKET - CONTINUOUS 
ASH walks through the Preston Market, determination on her face. 
Around her we see the events of the market, men selling fruit,
fish sitting on ice, and meat hanging from the butchers. 
The meat seems at odds with the heat. 
Through what we see, we smell the market. 
It is the smell of a Moroccan souk. 
We see old Greek, Italian, and Middle Eastern men and women, 
examining and bargaining for supplies.

This segment implies that we will see the protagonist walking through the market. But it also implies that we will explore the market, perhaps with an establishing shot as well as mid-shots, close-ups and cutaways. The protagonist will see her surroundings, and by nature we will see what she sees. We can guess that she has seen this location before, therefore she is not wondrous, intrigued etc, she is driven by something internal.

But what audiovisual descriptions have been provided?

We have a description of men selling fruit and meat, and we have a description of people bargaining, however the rest of the details have been implied. Take this sentence for example: ‘Through what we see, we smell the market. It is the smell of a Moroccan souk.’ I’m torn over this sentence. Describing a location with a smell evokes the visuals from the reader. It leaves the details up to the director to interpret. Alternatively, it could be felt to be vague and intangible. A more solid description could be called for. Also we must note that this segment comes from a short screenplay, and is part of an action scene, (in the sense that our character has to walk through the market to get from A to B). This means we do not need to be overly descriptive. In any case, I think the description could be padded out a touch more. I will re-write this scene.

ASH walks through Preston Market, determined. 
She is not distracted by the energy of the market, and yet we are curious. 
We see people selling, examining, bargaining for, and buying supplies.
We hear these exchanges too, blending together.
A sea of colourful fruit and veggies. 
Hanging meat, sweats in the heat. 
Big glassy eyed fish sit on mounds melting of ice. 
Olives, spices, baguettes. 
The place presents a Mediterranean/Middle-Eastern fusion. 
The smell is that of a Moroccan souk.  

OK, the above has been re-written a dozen times now. The final edit steers away from the the perspective of the protagonist. It suggests that while the protagonist strides, we explore. The ‘we’ used here is an attempt at a ‘we-formation’ which I write about in Q3.

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