Young Male aged 22-30.
Location: local watering hole – At protagonists home – a Yoga studio or studio space.
Genre: Comedy?
Story about the misadventures of his own life.
Young man (Tom) at a bar with a friend (Jacob/Jake) as they discussing what’s new to their life lately.
Yo believes he is a bit of a rut socially so his friend tries to make suggestions to go out and try and make new friends or meet a girl.
Meanwhile this young man is distracted by a cute girl(Genevive) he sees at the bar.
The girl accidentally drops her purse so he goes and picks it up and awkwardly chases after her
Tom makes an awkward but endearing chit chat with the girl while Gen suggests a coffee to pay him back for returning the wallet.
Tom shyly agrees.
Tom returns to Jacob and briefly mentions the girl while Jacob continues to ramble on about suggestions for new things.
Jacob tries to convince him to start yoga for health and to meet people as he says it’s a great way to meet girls.
Tom believes yoga studio is an old gay night club
Jacob convinces him it is not and it is now a hip hop yoga studio.
man goes to yoga but isn’t sure of attire so wears singlet and old footy shorts from school.
Tom starts hip hop yoga with Jacob and finds the class increasingly uncomfortable in its overtly sexual positions, that of which Jacob seems to have no problem with.
finished the yoga session confused and unsure if he should come back
cuts to the girl he met at a bar and her walking down the street speaking of the young man the previous night with her friend.
Girl sees the young man coming out of the yoga studio in his head band singlet and footy shorts shocked.
friend of girl tells her it is a gay night club and gives her condolences to the girl.
End.
Thoughts: This is really the first scene or script or piece I have ever seriously written. To be totally honest I’m not sure if I personally find it that funny anymore but I still believe it could be if it is done well. The dialogue here would really be the important factor.
You need it to obviously be believable and with this particular script as many of the humorous moments would come within the context of the situation rather than the actual dialogue. That’s not to suggest that there wouldn’t be any funny lines, that of which would be provided by the character Jacob, as the friend. I’m not sure if I’m a fan of this idea yet as it feels a bit formulaic having the best friend being the comedic relief but theres a reason why it works and it will allow the main character to be fleshed out and ensure the uncomfortable situations to be not only more believable but more unfortunate for him.
One thing I have identified with writing comedy as the you have to ensure that it doesnt try and do too much. Many pieces of comedy try too hard to be funny, and ultimately lose any of the charm it may have had. Not every line needs to be a zinger nor every joke be so obvious. I’d rather write something with a bit more subtlety and nuanced than something where every joke is in your face and explained for you. Thinking something a bit more like HBO’s Bored To Death rather than The Big Bang Theory.
This I feel is easier done with situational comedy and something I think this piece is on its way to being.