Throughout working on this project, I jumped between different ideas, trying to find one that fit the studio’s themes. My first idea was to explore the concept of ‘religious guilt,’ but since I don’t have personal experience with religion, it felt like I’d be out of my depth. I wanted the project to feel authentic, so I shifted gears. My second idea was to look at the transition from girlhood to womanhood. The concept for the final essay film came from an assignment I completed for another course, where I wrote a creative essay inspired by Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. The way Plath describes choices as figs on a tree, with each fig representing a different version of the future, really stuck with me. I found it thought-provoking to imagine the different versions of myself that could have existed if I had chosen alternate paths. This inspired the core idea of my essay film: an exploration of choices, regret, and identity through a fictional dialogue between different versions of the main character.
I wanted the film to connect with viewers by reflecting how identity is shaped through every choice we make—or don’t make. The film invites the audience to sit with the tension between fear of making the “wrong” choice and the need to embrace uncertainty. I hoped that students, especially those nearing the end of university and having to figure out where to go from here, would relate to this theme. Drawing from Laura Rascaroli’s ideas about essay films, I aimed to use dialogue and reflective imagery to bring the character’s internal world to life. The goal was not to present a single, linear narrative but rather to encourage viewers to engage with the film intellectually, resonating with their own experiences of doubt and reflection.
I think the script and dialogue were strongest part of the film. They captured the philosophical tension between regret and possibility, which felt relevant to the studio’s theme of personal transformation. Using The Bell Jar’s metaphor of the fig tree also grounded these abstract ideas in something relatable. But there were challenges too—mainly time constraints. I only had two hours to shoot everything, so I had to play it safe with simple, straightforward shots. Some of my footage was corrupted, meaning I had to rely on noisy camera audio in a few scenes. I also lost some of the more contextualizing shots, like the main character sketching the fig tree. To fill that gap, I used stock footage of fig trees, inspired by Chris Marker’s approach of pulling in different types of media to construct meaning. While the stock clips kept the narrative together, they didn’t carry the same emotional weight as the footage I originally planned.
If I were to develop the project further, I’d dive deeper into the introspective side of it. I’d add visual glimpses of the character in her imagined futures—maybe painting in a studio, hiking, working an office job, or spending time with family. This would make her internal struggle more tangible. I’d also want to experiment with more deliberate, artsy shots to elevate the film’s aesthetic. As Rascaroli points out, essay films give filmmakers the freedom to blend reality, imagination, and symbolism. I think a longer runtime would also help. It would give the film more room to breathe, allowing the audience to sit with the emotional weight of the character’s choices. I’d aim for visuals that speak just as loudly as the dialogue, letting imagery and pacing carry some of the emotional load.
One of the biggest lessons I learned from this studio is the importance of giving myself more time—way more time than I think I’ll need. If I’d started filming earlier, I could’ve worked more creatively with the shots and taken the time to troubleshoot technical problems. Filmmaking, especially when you’re working with actors and schedules, always throws curveballs, so having extra time makes space for those inevitable setbacks. It’s something I’ll definitely carry with me into future projects.
Another key takeaway is how important it is to stay flexible. Chris Marker’s way of working reminded me that limitations can open up creative opportunities. When some of my footage got corrupted, I had to pivot and use stock imagery, which ended up fitting the spirit of the essay film’s patchwork style. As Rascaroli notes, essay films are all about visualizing thought on screen, using whatever materials serve the idea. That adaptability is something I want to keep embracing in future projects. Whether it’s stock footage, stills, or animation, incorporating outside elements can actually enhance the final product rather than detract from it.
Working with actors also taught me a lot about collaboration. Clear communication is essential, especially when time is tight. Coordinating schedules wasn’t easy, and I learned how crucial it is to build in some extra time for unexpected issues—like technical failures or last-minute changes. Collaboration also brings new perspectives to the table, which is something I’ll be more intentional about in future projects. I realized that working closely with others can push the project in new and exciting directions that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own.
References:
Rasacaroli L (2019) ‘Thinking with Pictures’, Sight and Sound , Vol 4 (12): 12-13
Bazin A (1958) ‘Bazin on Marker’, in Alter NM and Corrigan T (eds), Essays on the Essay Film, (2017), New York, Columbia University Press, 102-105.
Richter H (1940) The Film Essay: A New Kind of Documentary Film. in Alter NM and Corrigan T (ed), Essays on the Essay Film (2017), New York, Columbia University Press, 89- 92.