After our discussion with Robin, the road to making this film no longer seemed so simple. However, this was positive, though we may not have thought so last week. It means that now the film is a challenge and an actual investigation, rather than something that we just follow an instruction manual to piece together.

We took to the streets on Monday’s class to begin shooting something, anything. We shot cars, trees, litter, whatever grabbed our attention. It was completely impromptu and we only used my DSLR from home, but whether or not we use the material I think is besides the point. By going out and shooting we were thinking about the sorts of elements we could introduce and discussing what the film could look like, which I think at this stage is really important because this is such an abstract film. This was the first opportunity I’ve had to properly chat to Lydia and Penelope, about the film and as friends, which has been really valuable because I know that they are passionate people who resonate with the film’s investigation. Their own interpretations of what the concept of “living in the moment” means to them have informed my own view and I imagine that the finished product will be something completely different to what I originally envisaged.

While this was a good exercise in getting the ball rolling, we felt that having and recording a discussion on Wednesday would be a good idea so that we could begin to refine the idea a little bit. The discussion we ended up having veered off on somewhat therapeutic tangents, and while it was a worthwhile conversation, the material wasn’t recorded properly. This conversation felt like an extension from our work on Monday: although we don’t have much tangible material to show for it, it is chipping away at the project in a subtle way. By communicating as we have been, I feel that eventually we’ll be able to record material independently that will represent our individual perspectives while retaining the common ground formed in these discussions.

Robin pointed out that while these conversations are good, we need to be collecting more material. This is true and my main concern at this point. I hope that this week’s worth of conversations has been enough to get us in the headspace to begin collecting material. I think the next step will be to have footage of at least one or two participants so that we can begin to work with the aesthetic and structure.

I went to Max’s place ready to finally get the ball rolling, camera in tow and all. It was around 8pm that I arrived at his place, whether or not that influenced the fact that we ultimately filmed nothing, I have no idea.

We sat in his room and began talking about the idea for the film. We are really close, so we spend a lot of time talking and our conversations are always comfortable. In fact, he is probably one of the few people I experience this so purely with, and I realised too late that this is something I need to take advantage of for the film. That is the very thing I’m trying to capture and I didn’t capture it, because I was so caught up in it.

At one point during the conversation I considered opening up voice memos on my phone and recording at least some of it but I didn’t because I knew if it was introduced it would affect the nature of the conversation. This was probably the wrong decision but it was what I figured at the time and next time the first thing I plan to do is hit record.

The conversation was grounded in the present in that it never really suffered from any sort of pull; it was something greater than us that we were participating in. It was informed by our recent experience and aspirations but not consumed or guided by them. It was malleable. The longer it continued, it became increasingly clear; the moment was in higher definition than any other I’d been a part of that day and it seemed to be the only thing we really embodied.

A conversation between two people is possibly the most intense sort of conversation if it reaches this point. Increasing the amount of people increases the amount of clutter because there are just too many permutations of how the conversation and its participants are being interpreted. I think of it like a venn diagram, where the mutual space is made biggest when no more than two circles are involved. The mutual space is important, because it is unique to the two circles creating it. That connection is so distinct and collaborative, and when something like a state of flow engulfs the conversation that is the vessel for that connection, it is brought to its fullest potential in the same way that a single mind is perfectly concentrated in this state.

I felt that my conversation with Max reached this state and it was a valuable experience. It validated the premise of the film for me, while also broadening what the film could be. At its core, I want to communicate the essence of that embodiment of the present, and I will need to approach it from different angles to get a comprehensive portrait of it. I need to record conversations and let them evolve naturally.

 

Having had a good run on Monday with Penelope and Lydia, I was feeling pretty well on track with the film and felt that we were all on the same page. I had a pretty good idea of how I thought the film could look and was beginning to map out in my head how to go about matching that. After speaking to Robin on Wednesday with Penelope, I’m no longer so sure. He pointed out that to have such a clear plan is potentially detrimental to the sort of film we’re making; it is an approach apt for the making of a drama but it contradicts the nature of this film, which is closer to documentary. We decided that the best course of action from here, rather than to rigidly follow the structure we originally had, would be to just begin collecting material as soon as possible.

The emphasis now honed in on just collecting material makes the investigation more exciting and worthwhile, it actually feels like an investigation rather than a series of shoots that need to be done. It creates a sense of freedom in the pursuit of material, which I hope will translate into material itself and give the participants the breathing space that they may not have had with a more strict, choreographed approach.

I know less about what this film is going to be than I did on Monday but I have a better idea of why I’m doing it – to see how a film can draw attention to the moments where we feel most in touch with the present and to prompt the audience to reflect upon their own experiences within these moments.

The presentation was good for me as I found it be an opportunity for me to properly formulate and articulate my ideas. Generally with presentations where I’m pitching something I’ll stand up and try to communicate the idea off the top of my head but I wanted to challenge myself to actually write and structure something to a degree. In the process of doing so, I made connections that I may have otherwise missed and found myself beginning to imagine some of the film quite vividly.

After presenting I became particularly aware of the challenges that I’ll be facing in making this film – one of the biggest being the possible invasiveness of the camera and the potential for this to saturate the moments I’m attempting to capture.  At this point I hope to be prepared enough so that I’m comfortable in my position on set and then focus the rest of my energy into creating a comfortable environment for the subjects to work in. I’ll have to especially pay attention to the duration of these moments I choose to capture so as to communicate the idea as accurately as possible.

That being said, another major concern with this assessment is that the premise isn’t clear enough. I need to find a way to simplify the main ideas so the process is streamlined and those involved have a solid idea of what they’re contributing to, which is important as it will inform their input. I think that I’ll begin by formulating some questions based on research suggested to me by one of the guests at the presentation on Wednesday (I’ve forgotten his name) in order to initiate the interview process, which I think will point me in the right direction.

At first I admittedly found the individual exercise 3 ambient piece a little daunting as I wasn’t really happy with what my own group had gone out to shoot and wasn’t confident I’d be able to string anything worthwhile together. As I began the exercise, however, I was taken with some of the shots that the other groups had taken and began experimenting with them in different sequences. I noticed that there was a common theme of the ticking pedestrian crossing noise in the background of one group’s collection of footage, which to me creates a strong rhythm that ultimately became the foundation for my piece.

I wanted to represent a sort of absurd disconnect from the mundane by having that ticking noise loop and repeat throughout the film, even at points where it doesn’t match the visual that it accompanies. I chose to amplify this idea by splicing and repeating certain moments of movement in the footage, such as cyclists, trams and birds to detach them from our everyday understanding of them and make them more questionable and bizarre.

I really enjoyed producing this edit and would like to continue a style of filmmaking similar to that in the future, where the visuals are directed by the audio and the content becomes less clear as the film draws out.

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my mum about her imminent retirement, which she had only recently realised was possible. The conversation naturally led into the things that she plans to do, the things she wanted to see and be a part of. As it went on, she became increasingly enthralled in what she spoke of and displayed an energy that I seldom see in her these days. I realised that this was because she wasn’t speaking about the obligations she would have to fulfil, or the things she will have to remember to do – she was imagining this retirement as if it were the present and as if she were living it.

This lingered in my thoughts and I began to make connections; first after playing a gig when an eccentric 20-something year old began to pour out his passions and dreams to me in motor-mouthing, stream-of-consciousness fashion; the next at a doctor’s clinic as I watched a toddler circle her family, all of whom were engrossed in discussion about the coming week while she was happily concentrated on the trajectory of a toy truck. 

Making that connection, especially between retirement and childhood, had me imagining how, in a film, I would emphasise the moments we embody the present, when there is no obligation to consider a past or future self in our actions. To begin gathering material and an understanding of the way I can structure this film, I plan to conduct a series of interviews ranging in demographic, where the focus will be on what they most enjoy doing and the moments when they feel most attached to themselves. I will ask them questions about their childhood and how much of what they enjoyed doing then has translated to later years, along with questions about where they feel they began to lose touch with that childish essence.

Something that I feel can communicate this essence quite well is the flow state of an artist or someone engrossed in an activity that they are confident with. With this in mind, I would also like to capture a series of people producing material in these states with the hopes of capturing the moments of pure concentration that removes them from any grounding in time or social attachment. I hope to also spend some time conducting informal interviews with children, capturing them in their own moments of flow and allowing them to conduct the course of the activity they choose to embrace in the moments I capture.

Ultimately I hope to produce a video essay that explores moments grounded in the present, with footage that juxtaposes children and adults in concentrated flow states. I imagine it will develop in conjunction with the moments captured rather than follow a predetermined structure. At this point I can imagine that the flow of the film could be informed by the interviews conducted, which I envisage could be included as audio that guides the visuals.

Partly an extension on thoughts from Observation #9: I have been speaking to various people over the week as I’ve been out and more often than not conversation hovers around what fields of work people are seeking, or more broadly things that they are anticipating. I realised that I quickly tire of these conversations because they feel so intangible. All too often, without intentionally being the case, whoever I have been talking to and I have assumed roles of projected selves, subconsciously following social cues informed by the circumstances of our meeting.

I guess this is generally how it goes I seldom question it but in its recent high frequency it has become increasingly apparent and frustrating. It was made particularly apparent to me when the stark contrast was offered: a guy I’d never met before approached me after a gig I had just played and spoke to me incessantly about his ambitions, what he’s been focusing on as a person, what his goals are, his influences, the moments he enjoys, etc. I haven’t gotten so much out of a conversation in a very long time. I gave him the opportunity to continue speaking in this way and chose to just listen and it gave me an insight into a person I highly doubt I will meet again that is potentially more valuable than conversations I have on a regular basis.

It interests me that this sort of interaction is generally considered jarring, and it was admittedly jarring at first. I’m interested in directing attention to the sides of people that they don’t present on a resume, that they don’t feel is fair divulge in social encounters because people will be bored or assume arrogance.

THE FILM:

An extension on the idea for a film stated in observation #9: Possibly incorporating people / one person concentrated on an activity and capturing that flow state that they generally keep to themselves. Possibly by conducting interviews, I can focus on how people generally nurture ideas of themselves in conversation rather than reflect upon how they’ve actually experienced the world recently.

I was speaking to my mum about her imminent retirement – something that only recently has become a near possibility – and what she plans on doing once she does retire. She spoke about returning to painting, which is something she hasn’t had the opportunity to do amidst full time work. She said that she wants to spend more time around art, more time seeing the exhibitions and pieces she hasn’t seen. There was an excitement in her eyes that I haven’t really seen for a while now as she has been so focused on her full time work for such a long time, as long as I can really remember.

We spoke about her routine at work and the boundaries this routine places on her ability to imagine. The repetition of her work in administration over an extended period of time creates a routine that begins as soon as she opens her eyes in the morning and finishes only once she drifts off to sleep. It is something that is beyond her control; something she no longer questions. The thought of retirement is so jarring: when she thinks about it, it is the only time she is removed from the routine, able to look down upon it and then away to the boundless plains that spread so far in every direction.

THE FILM:

A documentary on what people are doing vs. what they’d like to be doing (not necessarily career-wise but I imagine that’s what it will gravitate towards). Including questions about what they’ve always been drawn to, what they’ve been expected to do, what they’d like to do when they retire. I will attempt to interview some children and then compare their perspective to the adults that I interview, and will include some questions about what these people were drawn to as children.

If I’m pleased enough with this project I hope to return to it down the track, interviewing the same people in a number of years’ time.