Ahhhhhh, the fresh smell of a four-day weekend. Wait, what’s that? I can’t smell anything? That’d be right, because I got THE FLU. Or sinusitis… Dr. Google does wonders for my late night curiosty/lack of transport to a GP. How was I supposed to know that going outside for 5 minutes when it was sunny but cold was going to trigger my hot/cold flushes, dizziness, muscle weakness, back pains and swollen throat?! HELP ME! Something is definitely wrong! But being the raging alcoholic that I am, I powered through! *triumphant fist pump*

I finished work at 4, popped into safeway for my weekly $6 bottle of Passion Pop (don’t judge me), and went home after walking through the centre with what was obviously a bottle of alcohol in a brown paper bag.Tacky, much? I took the longest, hottest shower of my life, put on trackies over my leggings and 2 jumpers over a long sleeve, wrapped myself up in my snuggie and two comforters, turned the heating up to 25 and took a nap. Waking up 40 minutes later… I felt amazing. So I cleaned the house, and awaited the arrival of my house guests.

By 8PM, almost everyone was there, and after listening to Brendan complain about how he wanted to play outside so he could smoke, we set up the King’s cup, and our deck of cards. For those of you who don’t know, King’s cup is possibly the best game ever invented. The rules are simple- Each card represents an act. In a circle, take turns to pick a card and then complete said act. Rules vary, but our rules are the best:

Ace: Rule. Whoever picks this card gets to choose a rule, e.g. no phones, no swearing, no pointing etc. If you break the rule, you drink.
Two: You. You pick the card? You pick someone to drink.
Three: Me. Bad luck, you have to drink.
Four: Thumb. Whoever picks this card can subtly place their thumb on their face at any time and everyone else must do so when they notice- Last person to notice drinks.
Five: Guys. Simple. Guys drink.
Six: Chicks. Soz gals!
Seven: Waterfall. This is my least favourite. Whoever picks the card starts to drink and the following person must also drink. You can’t stop drinking until the person before you stops. Sort of like a mexican wave for alcoholics :’) this rule has made for some very good (and bad) times.
Eight: Mate. Pick a person and whenever you drink, they drink. Whenever they drink, you drink!
Nine: Rhyme. Say a word and the next person must say a rhyming word. Whoever can’t think of a word, drinks!
Ten: Categories. Exactly the same as rhyme, but with categories.
Jack: Never have I ever. Say something you’ve never done, whoever has done it, drinks! My favourite one is “Never have I ever finished an entire bottle of beer”, gets everyone, every time.
Queen: Questionaire. This unlucky person gets to ask questions as often as they want, but if you answer, you have to drink. This card basically alienates you until the next Queen is drawn.
King: The first three Kings that are drawn allow the person to put as much or as little of their drink into the King’s cup. The person who draws the last King has to drink the entire thing.

As you can imagine, this game makes for some very drunk people in a very short amount of time. Being the clever girl I am though, I mixed my Passion Pop with lemonade in order to reduce the onset of uncoordination and slurred speech. After playing our disgraceful game, we spent time gossiping about our tragic, everyday lives and once the alcohol had worn off, I went back to having waves of a high fever, followed by extreme chills. I probably shouldn’t have had anything to drink….

Hindsight’s a bitch.