Now, I s’pose I should go ahead and make my first post…

After mulling over a number of ideas I thought that I might share my experiences on trains over the last few days…

T’was the 25th of July, 2013. And I was on my way home from an exhausting 3-hour day at uni. Sitting on the train minding my own business, I was shocked when I heard the most exaggerated laugh I’ve ever heard coming from a fellow commuter. This lady, who must’ve been in her mid-late 20s was giving her lungs and vocal chords an absolute workout – the projection of her semi-psychotic cackle was INSANE… and closely resembled the laugh of one particular meth-head from Breaking Bad who may or may not have crushed her husband’s head with an ATM. Regardless, the laugh proved to be only the beginning in a series of worsening behaviours exhibited by this maniac. After scaring most of the occupants of the train to the point of changing carriages, the perpetrator decided it appropriate to loudly start ranting about the state of Australian Politics, Nelson Mandela, Aboriginals, Babies, The Royals and just about anything else making the news. This rant was made up of the most foul combination of swear words and racial slurs I’ve ever heard – truly disturbing the peace which usually floods Melbourne’s Metro train network. Now I’m not saying that this woman was definitely a psychopath – but some of the things I heard coming out of her mouth would redefine the meaning of insane. This experience, however was not the first of the week…

The following mid-morning as I jumped on the train into uni at the brutally early time of 10.21am, I was met on the carriage by a couple with a couple of drooling Staffordshire Terriers. Not only were these dogs making an enormous amount of noise – they also climbed the hierarchy of the natural world and sat on the train seats as a human would. Normally this wouldn’t even phase me, but it was the first of 3 major events that made this train ride one of my most memorable to date. Another 10 minutes into the trip, a relatively normal-looking man jumped on and sat into the seat next to me. This is another example of something that usually wouldn’t bother me – but the fact the there were at least 20 free double-seats in the carriage made the situation a bit more unusual. Next, I noticed that the man was making an awful lot of hand gestures, which was strange because he was talking to himself – madness… As if all of the above wasn’t enough, at Clifton Hill station, a man who was obviously intoxicated (may I remind you that it was about 10.50am) graced the carriage with his presence. Slung over the man’s shoulder was a huge rucksack concealing a rather large object, and in his other hand was a plastic shopping bag filled with a number of beers. The man stumbled through the train and took a seat not too far from mine on the opposite side of the train – before he proceeded to crack another coldie and neck it in about 4 minutes flat. Clearly in need of another – the man reached into his bag and summoned another beverage. Now, I have absolutely no problem with a troubled individual enjoying a nice beer or two at 11 in the morning, but my tolerance of such a character goes out the window when they feel the need to let the whole train hear their rubbish music. Much to my dismay, this bloke decides to pull a stereo the size of a small human out of his rucksack and starts blasting some heavy rock – just what you want to hear when you’re half-asleep on the train. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the opportunity to capture any evidence of this most recent train ride – but I assure you it was easily my most memorable to date – for all the wrong reasons.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Metro customer.