Darren actually did an acting class to be able to relate – he wanted to be able to cry in front of an audience. The day that happened – he quit.

“I just wanted to understand what performance was…” 

A lot of what Aronofsky said resonated with me… about how people should question the meaning of things – and how that expresses character. I really enjoy listening to what he has to say.

I am just happy that finally my research has got me somewhere… it has made me feel something but confused.

Yes.

I have finally, FINALLY, found a director I feel like I understand.

Since re-watching Black Swan – I have been watching interview after interview, reading articles – it is amazing. I have been wanting this drive the whole semester – I have been craving this feeling, and it’s happened by watching a film that previously inspired me. I have been watching lots of films as of recently, ones recommended by people around me, but I went with my gut feeling – and as I walked into that video store, I knew Black Swan was something I felt like watching.

This has proven to me that I should believe in my own instincts. I became so stuck with what other people in the course thought of me, what I believed was expected of me as a film student and what I thought I needed to do to make films.

I am going to was Aronofky’s films – all of the feature films her has created. After listening to his point of view, what I have read about him, and the visions he has – I like the way he seems to work. I say seems, because I need to keep reading and seeing. Or alternatively work with him… But the way he works with his actors and what he gets out of the actors is mesmerising.

One of my favourite scene’s in the Black Swan is the dance club scene. It gave me shivers. It’s where you understand that she is morphing into the black-swan (in my perspective) – the lights flash so quickly, and at times it seems are though the two separate bodies (Nina and Lily) are one. Bloody breathtaking. It’s also so interesting and different about it. 

The characters played are out of this world – they are extremes yet so damn relatable. You have an understanding of them, and you need to understand why they do what they do, and it all seems so natural. Aronofky’s says in one of his interviews, “I just want them [actors] to feel free”. This stood out to me – and it’s sticking in my mind. The characters are so emotive, so connecting and addicting to watch – it’s as though they have been pushed to their limits. For me, it seems that actors working with Aronofky’s are actors that want to really prove their abilities and talent to act. They want to see how far they can go – and he gives them that support to do so. Again, this is from what I have read and what I have seen. But it’s as if being in this film with him gives them this chance to push themselves to boundaries to what they usually wouldn’t go to. They may get that creative length to make what they can of the role and give it their own signature which only they can accomplish.

“It’s the same thing with actors – like you can have an idea what the scripts telling you but it doesn’t mean anything until an actor tries it on and sees what comes out of them and then you have to work with that because you cant force what they are doing into a mould because you will suck the life out of it.”

Another thing Aronofky mentioned is that he can have a view and perception of what they film may look like but he needs to the actors on set to really gather an understanding of what can be brought to the table (loosely quoted and paraphrased).

“Actors have to be free and your collborarators have to be free to express ideas and come up with ideas “

After watching ‘behind the scenes’ videos, Aronofky’s seems as though he is a very ‘hands on’ director – very interactive.

“Working with actors is all about trust”

“I work hard with actors – telling them im there to protect them and let them explore and to really go for something “

“A story that only you can tell “

http://www.empireonline.com/interviews/interview.asp?IID=1167

http://filmschoolrejects.com/features/6-filmmaking-tips-darren-aronofsky.php

…

I have just realised why the hell I am studying film. It is films like this –

I remember the exact moment after I saw this film for the first time. I saw it in the cinema, and I was with a few friends. Before it we were laughing and talking about what has been going on at school; who liked who, and what sport are you playing for the term. Leaving the cinema was a completely different phase in my life. It sounds stupid, but honestly – I can not think of any film that has moved me and completely engulfed me more than this film.

When I got home I couldn’t even speak – I went straight to my room and grabbed my laptop. I researched everything about it. The meanings, the storyline, behind the scenes, about the actors, ballet – anything. I couldn’t work out why I felt how I felt. Then I laid on my floor looking up at my ceiling reliving the whole film in my head. I then called my mum and told her EVERYTHING. She was nice enough to listen, but as I was speaking about it new things started to pop into my head about the film.

It was at this time that I realised I wanted to create something that moves people.

Today I re-watched this film – and it had an even larger effect on me. The room disappeared and when my sister would interrupt me I would get so emotionally disturbed I wanted to cry. That sounds crazy – but that’s exactly how it felt.

This is my epiphany – this would have to be my favourite film. It inspires me, it emotionally takes me – and I have missed this feeling. All these stupids doubts of myself, or whether I should be ‘classed’ as a film student – stereotypically, maybe I shouldn’t. But I know what I like and what I want – and I want to be able to move people like this film moved me. Maybe that isn’t through the medium of film – maybe it’s something completely different. But I have found clarity. I am so damn thankful for it as well.

I don’t usually watch thrillers – they have never been something I enjoy. I am going to watch more – because if I think this film is my favourite film, then maybe I should do my research into more thriller films.

Right now – I can’t actually write down what I feel. I want to write down my analysis of the film – but I just can’t. I want to indulge in this moment and just keep it going in my mind. I want it to keep spinning and I want it to keep playing back.

Thank-you Black Swan.