Everything will be all right when the semester ends.
I know I that I’ve lost touch with my studies for quite a long time. Now that I have submitted the video, I still do not know how I survived the process of post-production of our group’s short film. Emotional state has been really unstable lately. I suppose I’ve put too much pressure on myself, but there’s an essay of 2000 words that is due on the 21st which I haven’t started. So it can’t be helped for now. I haven’t done much readings for the same course, which I regret, yet too late for me to make up now. I’ve even been thinking of transferring to another school, like, the school of architecture design or to study fine art.
I usually just do the work with the most effort without thinking too much; and usually the results turn out really well. However, this semester has been like an adventure of finding out that I am not who I thought I was. Allowing thoughts and worries preoccupies my mind for half of the semester wasn’t a great feeling.
I was unmotivated, sad, worried, afraid, doubtful, regretful, unsatisfied, angry, anxious; I felt that I was useless, empty, silly, a person who cannot do things properly. I worried that I won’t be able to become a director and wanted to give up. I think myself useless for there are almost no skills which I am proficient at. Also, my ability in English language lacks improvements. I set myself up in an unlimited weird cycle of thoughts and I couldn’t get out of it. Maybe I wanted too much. Maybe my goals was unrealistic for now. I worried too much about the future.
I still remember Robin and Rachel joked about me looking always do stressed. I think they’re right, I shouldn’t be too stressed. 🙂
Despite all of those emotions above, I am glad that I persisted. I finished the film with the group, a seven-minute film. I did directing, scriptwriting, some editing, and sound design. It’s amazing to think back that our group has been through some arguments, hardships and now, we are all good. I suppose it’s what real teamwork feels like. It’s a strange mixture of feelings but I like how it influences me and teaches me lessons. I know that I’m sometimes not very good at teamwork because I preferred to work alone. Thus, this time has been a great experience for me. It even makes me ponder the questions above.
But I’m not sad anymore, nor worried—I suppose writing this post helps. Now I just suddenly realised that how important the word “DO” is. When you want to achieve a goal, just go for it; when you wish to learn something, do it now. The sadness and procrastination will keep haunting you if you don’t start doing anything right now, this moment. The moment is now; what’s important is do it now.
Here’s a piece of reading I did that reflects this idea of “do it now”:
