The “HE” in the City || A Made-up Observation Part IV

A heart-warming moment I saw in Swanston Library inspired me to write this. The “he” is the voice here: 

I am famished. Wait. There’s another Shaxian Xiaochi*.

I remember once I got diarrheal from dining at the other chain street shop of Shaxian in a smaller city. I was travelling with my previous girlfriend I had about three years ago, who, I met at work. She was always very sweet, thoughtful and attentive. She loved pinkish clothes and horror movies, sometimes a bit sporty, and a bit quiet when giving presentations at work. We split up after about a year because of her indecisiveness and my impatience. Nevertheless, she took really good care of me when I got diarrheal during the trip. Everything was perfect except for my illness.

Oh, it’s not them again. I want to quit and never have to work with them. Maybe after years of savings, routines and searching meanings, it’s time to be an artist in a different place?

The city is immense. The population is huge. The bigger the size of the city, in fact, the smaller people feel about themselves, the lonelier. I cannot even see the stars at night. Streams of crowds going from homes to their work during rushing hours aren’t related to me at all. I imagine that’s what they think by studying their indifferent faces: no smiles, only glances as if they’re scrutinising a criminal—a slight frowning, an unintentional pursing which reveals their subconscious. It’s a world of indifference. The ones who I know have been here for long are already “assimilated”. I’m relived to think some people are still attracted by the city’s glamour and glory, but I bet many are leaving, too. I can leave?

I have to think this through.

Where’s that girl who I met the first year I came here? We had too many hopes and aspirations for what the city might bring us. I wanted to live by the sea, yet I am working in the city. She wanted to be happy. Don’t know if she is now. I doubt it if she’s still living here. Strangely, we were never together even if we talked a lot.

“Dedicating your youth to the prosperous city behind you, for this dream, we pay as much the price as we can.” This piece of lyric from Running Away speak for my heart.

I shall once again see the sea before I decide to leave.

  • *It means “snacks”.
  • **The name of a very small county.

☞ Click to read Part V ☜

ZHENGJUN – Running Away