I never got a chance to watch the scene till just now, till after performing it.
It’s really interesting that I visualised it TOTALLY differently to how it played out.

Reflecting on MY performance was a really interesting experience. This has been the first time I’ve seen the scene and although I remember Robin’s comment that he wanted to see more of me (my character – Julia) – that ‘the glimpse’ that was offered was catching (for want of a better word) but he didn’t see enough of me which made him interested. I don’t think this was a conscious decision but it’s interesting to hear his comments. I was also interested to see it – I was surprised at how little of myself I did see (not in a negative whining way, but just in the way that we generally have a preconception of what the frame looks like, and at no point did I ask to see the frame, I just went with it). I don’t know what I imagined but I did think it would have been a longer lens.

I think that had I known it to be such a small portion of me that would be visible I would have gone about it in a different way, perhaps not putting the same effort in – I don’t want to say less effort, just different effort). But that’s where the crux of performance lies right? If you don’t put everything into it, it won’t be the same. You need to focus your full attention for anything to come off the way it should. For example ,if I had known my face and facial expression wouldn’t make it on camera, I would have gone about it in a totally different way – I would have relaxed into it more – but that might not have made the whole thing any easier for Karl (the other ‘actor’ in the scene). Had it been harder for him to bounce off me then his performance would have come off differently, and having him in frame the whole time would have resulted in a completely different vibe across the scene.

Exploring performance has been something that I have opened up to a lot this semester. And it’s been hard. It’s made me feel vulnerable (that sounds like an actor talking…) and I put a fair bit of thought into what I could do to make that performance happen. I was conscious of my facial expressions, I was asking for feedback and trying to work with it and really work on repeating movement, gestures, positioning…Putting myself in that position where I have heightened awareness of what I do is a really invigorating and energizing experience.