The fear of falling apart.

So I’m worried already that I can’t maintain this blog. Not just the blog but this class too. It’s only the second week but I’ve already missed 66% of my classes. That’s two out of three. And I know that it’s summer school, but my fear is that I won’t be able to bounce back and get my shit together for this Thursday’s presentation. It’s the first marked assessment for the semester and not being in class has put me at a disadvantage. I don’t know what to expect of everyone. Have they shared notes with each other, or has Rohan shown them what he likes and hates. It all just circles back to the question of “am I going to fail again?”

It’s hard already, and I’ve only just begun. In regular semester timelines this would be our 4th week, and right now I feel like it’s still my first day. I know I said I wanted to complete things and be my own person. I was supposed to take 2k16 by the head and show them that I’ve got what it takes to be here, but I’m allowed to be scared right.

Our class project is still in works, and since I haven’t been to class my group has started the brainstorming process without me. I’m letting them down already and I can’t shake that feeling away. I know this is a very personal blog post already, but I think I needed to express my fears before they ate away at me again.

For now I’m just going to try and focus on the upcoming project brief that’s literally due in less than 2 days. I’ve tossed up with either analyzing Panic! At The Disco’s “GIRLS/GIRLS/BOYS” or Florence + The Machine’s “Kiss With A Fist“. Both have a very simple premise and have a certain home-made quality which I love. It gives me hope and let’s me believe that despite my current flaws, these successful artists don’t need someone with loads of animation skills or artistic flair. All I need is a camera, light and determination.

This post’s MV’s are also by Panic! At The Disco. Off their latest album (new one dropping in a week!) “This Is Gospel” has some neat as choreography, that doesn’t necessarily have to be full body movement. I love his passion in this, and it’s follow-up (watch below) is the perfect antithesis for it. Where Gospel depicts Brendon Urie fighting to stay alive to stay with his love, “Emperor’s New Clothes” tells the complete opposite story of a him leaving it all finally and embracing his inner demon.

Also I’m a complete sucker for music videos that allude to continuous long takes and sotrylines, but aren’t (it’s a common theme in KPOP as well).