Over the weekend we were lucky enough to receive feedback on our rough drafts from a professional editor. Cindy’s main feedback points were as follows:
- When Ariel introduces himself see him say his name then cut to the wider shot of him so he isn’t looking offscreen so much
- Drop two of the shots of his money belt and holding the mobile phone
- Maybe weave the music in and out a bit more so there is less of it
- Replace some of the cutaways at the end to more relevant images (perhaps architecture or nature around Melbourne that are similar to the designs of the jumpers)
I spent the morning focusing on these points and found a huge improvement. For example, the simple rearrangement of some shots after considering the relevance of them created a far more cohesive and logical piece. We also decided to remove some of the music and cut out a section of Ariel talking at the end about the markets. It wasn’t really necessary in conveying what we were trying to say about the Ariel and the Markets and the b-roll footage in that section seemed like it was just a filler (which it was). I’m often hesitant in cutting things out but I have found it’s usually best to be ruthless and cut things that aren’t integral in telling your intended story.
By the end of the day we were pretty happy with our draft and will be ready to continue fine tuning on Thursday.
