In week #4 we re-looked at the Youtube French short film J’Attendrai Le Suivant (I’ll Wait for the Next One) (2008). We were asked to script-ify the first approximate 40 seconds, not necessarily using screenwriting format rules/conventions – the priority was to get the story out in the best way possible.

 

Here is my first take on the scene:

A 40 year-old corporate woman walks along a path leading to the train station. She walks towards us wearing black polished dress shoes. Her pace is not rushed and she wears an insecure, blank expression on her face. She glances at her surroundings intermittently and looks down a lot. She is banal in that she blends into the crowd of other train commuters. She descends on the escalator and on the escalator adjacent a couple snogging ascend. We view over her shoulder, she looks on as they rise above her. We then see her alone waiting for the train to halt at the platform. As a couple of commuters step off, she steps into the carriage among the other scattered people.

Okay so it definitely needs a re-write. Or five.

https://giphy.com/gifs/lisa-simpson-writing-the-simpsons-b55x0VFpFKm7S

The most challenging aspect of this task was finding an appropriate voice. I found it difficult to write creatively when analysing an existing story, already in video form I mean. I felt trapped writing from a perspective already established via camera. I found it hard to formulate descriptions that denote action when it was all right there, spoon-fed in audiovisual form. So I got into the film studies zone and started analyse the shot types and frame compositions. Deciphering meaning and intentions is my autopilot and writing the scene was a step backward I wasn’t very comfortable taking. So I had to use this thinking as a bridge. From analysing the camera to connect to the character I felt more comfortable to ‘create’/write.

Hence why my draft is a concoction of screenplay format/concise with a hint of literary zest. In all seriousness I don’t dislike my piece, I can simply recognise it for what it is, a draft. There are some aspects I really like that just need some development to come alive. Such as the notion of the protagonist intermittently looking around, or the public being “scattered” in the carriage. These ideas work and could also work better given more time. I don’t really like my opening description of the protagonist, I’d much rather use other more creative language to describe who she is rather than listing facets of her identity separated by commas. She’s more than that.

The class and Stayci workshopped my messy line: “she descends on the escalator and on the escalator adjacent a couple snogging ascend. We view over her shoulder, she looks on as they rise above her.” This definitely needs some cleaning up: elevator needn’t be repeated and the ascending/descending is overkill, though the double meaning in “she looks on as they rise above her” was deliberate and I wanted to hold onto that. This is an example of what works with the piece.

https://giphy.com/gifs/writing-ydMElLbfD72yA

Here’s my revision: “Her eyes glue to the snogging couple as they rise above her on the adjacent escalator as she is descending.” Perhaps the last action could be removed: “Her eyes are glued to the snogging couple as they rise above her on the adjacent escalator.”

I later had a go at implementing some of ‘what worked’ in my piece, as well as some of the class’ ideas:

Louisa is a corporate woman commuting home from work. She is in her mid-forties, but feels her life is yet to start. She walks with little purpose along the lip of a rain-soaked path. Her sensible black shoes click on the pavement as she walks towards the train station. Her pace is slow and she wears an insecure, blank expression on her face. She glances at her surroundings intermittently and looks down frequently. Her eyes glue to the snogging couple as they rise above her on the adjacent escalator. We then see her alone waiting for the train to halt at the platform’s edge. She steps into the carriage among the other scattered commuters who are as banal as her.

 

REFERENCES:

J’Attendrai Le Suivant (I’ll Wait for the Next One), 2008, short film, La Boite, France, 2 May. Viewed March 22 <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqwgeZooUmQ>.

“Screenplays should be experienced […] as a form of cinema itself” whereby “both, although via opposite polarities, are audio-visual (the screenplay cueing the images and sounds in our mind)”

• Dzialo 2009, p. 109

Mckee philosophises that screenplays “must contain all the substance of literature but not be literary” (1999, p. 394) and that screenwriters simply describe “the sensation of looking at the screen” (1999, p.395). In a practical sense this is true, but not in a magical sense, which is what audiovisual storytelling is made of.

https://giphy.com/gifs/shia-labeouf-12NUbkX6p4xOO4

I agree with Mckee in that to present credible ideas to a reader, we need to advertently convey the screen – cuts and fades and musical cues don’t just happen without direction. The audiovisual story is deliberately and delicately crafted. However as much as this allows us control in the form, a part of me also sees it as limitation to imagination… I disagree with Mckee in that for a film or scene to feel credible to a reader, the reader must not need to focus or rely on the notion of the screen’s cues, instead action should be described to justify mood/emotional themes. Sternberg argues that linguistic tools like metaphor are more telling than action descriptions as screenwriters can “substantiate moods and emotions”. (Sternberg, 1997, p. 87). (More on this in the Assignment 2 Part III blog).

An exploration of audiovisual storytelling a la screenplay I’m certain on, is the importance of ‘the present’. According to Mckee, “the ontology of the screen is an absolute present tense in constant vivid movement” (1999, pp. 395). In other words, the pertinence of the present is what breathes life into screenplays. Only from the present can audiovisual cues can be moulded into the reader’s mind. Otherwise a screenplay would probably just appear as a novel.

https://giphy.com/gifs/quotecatalog-woman-beach-xT0xeNdmCi3EW7GgKY

Voice is then the next important element explored to enunciate audiovisual storytelling. According to Ingelstorm, a narrative does not necessarily only consist of one intratextual narrating voice, but can contain multiple narrating voices. (Ingelstrom, 2014, p. 33). The types of fictional voices can be defined through how much the reader knows about them. (Ingelstrom, 2014, p. 34). This is highly important for communicating with the reader, especially for an audiovisual sequence.

The extrafictional voice can be identified as conveying information that is concerned with the extrafictional real world and thereby addressing the intended reader directly. (Ingelstrom, 2014, p. 35). In other words, the extrafictional voice lives inside the text but outside the story’s fiction. Ingelstrom philosophises that this voice “most directly conveys the thoughts and directions of the screenwriter, and can therefore be regarded as the representation of the writer within the text.” (Ingelstrom, 2014, p. 35). We-formulations are a type of impersonal fiction voice that “provide a way to direct the reader’s visualisation as well as direct, or at least indicate, the reader’s emotional response”. (Ingelstrom, 2014, p. 40)

From identifying the extrafictional (and also fictional) voice in the screenplay Rabbit Hole (2010, Lindsay-Abaire), I have experienced just how voices convey audio-visual cues. When analysing already produced works I learn of new possibilities for my own audiovisual stories.

The Rabbit Hole screenplay overall resonates with the ‘show don’t tell’ visual storytelling notion. This is evidenced in the way it explains character’s histories by showing and not telling:

 

• (Lindsay-Abaire, 2010, p. 3)

The highlighted line line here is perhaps superfluous, as the dialogue and scene text communicate their fake eagerness vibe.

The impersonal fiction voice is seen through the we-formulation a couple times:

• (Lindsay-Abaire, 2010, p. 1)

This also is an efficient and effective description of world/setting e.g. upscale community which anticipates our visualisation of  unseen characters. (re. the first paragraph only ^)

This is my favourite example of audiovisual storytelling from the screenplay (told in fictional voice):

• (Lindsay-Abaire, 2010, p. 3)

I hear the murmured running water and laughing, and can see the frames/camera shots in my mind.

 

REFERENCES:

Dzialo, C 2009, ‘“Frustrated Time” narration: the screenplays of Charlie Kaufman’, in W Buckland (ed.), Puzzle films: complex storytelling in contemporary cinema, Wiley-Blackwell, Chichester, pp. 107-28.

Ingelstrom, A 2014, ‘Narrating voices in the screenplay text: how the writer can direct the reader’s visual of the potential film’, in Screenwriters and Screenwriting: Putting Practice into Context, Craig Betty (ed.) Palgrave Macmillan, Baringstoke, New York, pp. 31-45.

Mckee, R 1999, ‘The Text’, in STORY: Substance, structure, style, and the principles of screenwriting, Harper Collins, London, pp. 394-400.

Rabbit Hole 2010, David Lindsay-Abaire, viewed March 22.

 

This week we put a spotlight on writing and reinstating story ideas.

On Monday we re-looked at the youtube French short film ‘J’Attendrai Le Suivant’ – ‘I’ll Wait For The Next One’. We were asked to script-ify the first approximate 40 seconds, not necessarily using screenwriting format rules/conventions – the priority was to get the story out in the best possible way. Here is my take on writing the scene:

A 40 year old corporate woman walks along a path leading to the train station. She walks towards us wearing black polished dress shoes. Her pace is not rushed and she wears an insecure, blank expression on her face. She looks around and down longingly. She is banal in that she blends into the crowd of other train commuters. She descends on the escalator and on the escalator adjacent a couple snogging ascend. We view over her shoulder as she looks on as they rise above her. We then see her alone waiting for the train to halt at the platform. As a couple of commuters step off she steps into the carriage among others and stands.

So it definitely needs a re-write, or seven… The most challenging aspect of this task was finding an appropriate voice. I found it difficult to write creatively when analysing an existing story, already in video form I mean. I felt awkward and trapped writing from an already established/obvious perspective. I get into the film studies zone and want to analyse the shot type and frame compositions. Deciphering meaning and intentions is my autopilot and writing the scene was a step backward I wasn’t very comfortable taking.

The class and Stayci workshopped my messy line: “she descends on the escalator and on the escalator adjacent a couple snogging ascend. We view over her shoulder, she looks on as they rise above her.” 

This definitely needs some cleaning up in the use of elevator twice and ascending/descending, though the double meaning of is she looks on as they rise above her” was deliberate and I wanted to hold onto that.

My revision: “Her eyes are glued to the snogging couple as they ascend above her on the adjacent escalator as she is descending.” Perhaps the last action could be removed: “Her eyes are glued to the snogging couple as they ascend above her on the adjacent escalator.”

 

On Wednesday we were set a mission: to venture outside the classroom in groups and take 5-9 images (to work as frames) that communicate a visual story. I worked with Ben, Eve, Jocelyn and Jasmjin, and we took our story down an experiment doco path.

After sharing our visual stories as a class we were instructed to provide a peer review and treatment to different visual stories. I really liked the other group’s concept of personifying the bin, it was very creative/original. I thought the shots were sequential and cohesive also. Perhaps some different shot types/POVs could have helped with displaying the bin’s power ie using low/high angles. I decided to write a treatment on my group’s visual story:

A discarded coffee cup lays lonesome on the campus path between the recycle and waste bins. A half-assed effort. Students avoid the obstruction by stepping over it and cutting sharp angles to avoid it. They are busy in conversation and their routine to notice, and those that do pretend not to. Suddenly, a handsome hero zooms in on a skateboard, he is our anticipated saviour. He comes to a halt, picks up the cup and places it in the waste bin, before setting his skateboard down and zooming off into the distance.

I was pretty proud of this little piece considering I wrote it just after eating the sushi that gave me food poisoning (don’t go to Sushi Sushi Melbourne Central!!) I shared it with the class and Stayci liked how my voice resonates through it. So do I.

This week was all about audiovisual storytelling – in other words what our minds interpret via sounds and moving images. This very notion is why little Giulia decided film is the most powerful form of art and is so passionate about its impact.

When asked to share an example of audio visual storytelling- that is a scene or excerpt demonstrating a narrative sans dialogue, I went for my obvious and heart-wrenching Pixar example: When Somebody Loved Me – Toy Story.

Toy Story 2 “When She Loved Me” Sarah McLachlan 1999

I studied this in high school and it inspired me to create my very own short. because of my background in music I get so excited about how music conveys messages that it overpowers the audio-visual balance. In my example the song’s lyrics could almost be considered a cheat for dialogue although its not. I am seeking to improve my awareness and creative flow with action in my writing in this studio.

In the Jesse reminisces particular memories with her owner and hence the montage presents the arc or whole story of their relationship. The montage is accompanied with a soundtrack that serves as reflective commentary or monologue via lyrics – Jesse tells the story. the montage is crafted to depict the passing of time in creative visual ways, such as showing the evolution of a changed environment – eg. her owner’s dresser once was filled with cowgirl/rodeo toys and posters and then changes to be filled with nail polishes and makeup.

I really enjoyed the diversity of examples brought to class, particularly in the different genres. Prior to Wednesday’s class I was thinking that all the examples would be very similar – all animation or romantic drama examples though I was pleasantly proved wrong. (Though majority did fall into those genres). I really enjoyed the action genre examples such as the T2 Trainspotting one as they defied my expectations and were very enjoyable.

Perhaps they were more so enjoyable because they used different kinds of engagement techniques to communicate with the viewer. For example in T2 Trainspotting we learn about status and hierarchy via cat and mouse dynamics. The overall tone is tense but it also has its moments of comedic relief.

What I have observed is that generally, despite genre, this mode of visual storytelling conveys the perspective of one character, often the character we are most familiar with – the protagonist. OR alternatively it conveys a relationship, or one’s interpretation of a relationship.

 

 

This week I learnt about some screenwriting writing tools I never knew existed…

On Monday ‘we looked’ (hehe) at the structure of short films and a little about voices – such knowledge was well developed by Wednesday.

First we assessed the use of active and passive voice. We looked at some screenplays and tried substituting  present words like is, am, are, he’s/she’s (Mackee) with verbs, and simplifying adverbs/adjectives into verbs.

For example:

The bedroom is lined with cloud wallpaper. OR… Cloud wallpaper lines the bedroom.

I realised this kind of active voice is more efficient and effective in conveying how the camera (and therefore we) see/s it. However I don’t think it reads so well in my second example. Ahh the joys of screenwriting.

 

On Wednesday we were commissioned a ‘show don’t tell’ writing exercise that linked to active voice, followed by much theorising on all the ‘voices’.

The exercise asked us to ‘do, not be’ – which means using verbs rather than adjectives in scene description in order to ensure that a situation can be expressed effectively onscreen.

Exercise…

Adjective-laden sample: Rinaldo’s so tired of his children’s bickering. He can’t bear to be a single dad and is at the end of his tether. he feels guilty and angry with himself.

My action-led scene (DRAFT 1): Rinaldo stares at the fridge for a while and shuts the living room doors. He falls backward onto the couch and rubs his face with both hands.

I realised a lot was missing when I came to reading it aloud in class.  I hadn’t established a great sense of environment, it was too sparse, and only god knows where the kids are. But I wanted to keep it concise and vivid – for his actions to speak as his emotions.

Here is my edited version:

The children declare the living room carpet a battlefield, they struggle a tug of war for the only teddy in the house. Rinaldo is in the nearby kitchen, standing at the bench checking his emails. His children’s screeching voices make him sigh heavily in frustration. The noise continues and Rinaldo stares at the fridge magnets for a while. He attempts to leave the chaos he created and shuts the living room doors to enter his bedroom. Their shrieks are now muffled. He falls backward onto his bed and tosses his glasses aside. He rubs his face thoroughly with both hands and the sound fades out.

This exercise helped me identify the different voice types as described in Ingelstorm’s reading as I was unconsciously using them.

According to Ingelstorm, a narrative does not necessarily only consist of one intratextual narrating voice, but can contain multiple narrating voices. The two types of fictional voices can be defined through how much the reader knows about them. In contrast to the fictional voice in the dialogue, the reader knows nothing about the fictional voice in the scene text.

The fictional narrating voice of the dialogue can be defined as a personal fictional voice since the reader knows something about it, whereas the fictional voice of the scene text can be defined as impersonal. The personal narrating voice is always situated in the dialogue section of the screenplay text, and that the screenwriter can only direct the reader’s visualisation through the use of impersonal fictional voice to describe scenes in specific ways.

Here is my compressed understanding…

Extra-fictional voice: non-diegetic

• Clearly directed to a reader from a production context!
• Use the we formulation to imply a perspective from which we see
• Camera direction, scene headings etc.
• Addresses reader directly
• Inside the text but outside the fiction

Fictional Voice: diegetic

• Directs the camera without explicit ‘camera’
• Writing from within the fiction
• Still one level off the world of the film, someone is seeing.
• One layer/shell out of the diegesis

In identifying such voices in the screenplays Rabbit Hole and Her, I have learnt how to better use these voices and the toolboxes of each.

I am thinking about how screen stories are crafted and pondering the delicate art of putting a film in the reader’s head.

I’ve recently been exposed to many writing/story forms: I’m writing a tech blog as part of my internship, I can’t escape music and toying with my own song ideas, I’m analysing the Euripides’ play Medea, I’m slowly understanding some histories of film theory, and now I’m thinking about screenwriting. My brain is overwhelmed with these oh so many concepts and is desperately trying put the puzzle together.

Mckee philosophises that the mission of screenwriting is to communicate the substance of literature, but to not be literary in doing so. This balance of gifting imagination rather than spoon-feeding appeals to me greatly. In fact this helped remind myself why I am so drawn to stories in the first place. It’s the magic of imagination.

In almost every sense of my writing and general life I’ve noticed I over justify/explain myself. As a music teacher, VCE English tutor, blog writer and child of divorced parents, I work tediously hard to get my message across.

I think the screenwriting form will help me reclaim my freedom and integrity as a writer. It will encourage me to be more present and to pay close attention to all its possibilities. This class has reminded me I can put faith in the imagination of others (and that the reader can infer better than intended stories). Screenwriting is the beauty of the present. I know I need to employ this focus point to truly ‘get’ screenwriting. (FYI I right now have one elbow supporting me propped up in bed at 1.23am writing this because this epiphany couldn’t be slept on.)

In the past, the whole concept of ‘the present’ in screenwriting just annoyed me. I just wanted to be the poet as it was really the only voice I knew. So the way I dealt with it was to write my entire year 12 short film screenplay as a VO poem. (I had a Morgan Freeman voice actor. No biggie.)

Sample:

If you like you can check it out the short film here!

However, now that I am older and wiser (and in the present), I feel like I am getting it after reading scenes top to tail in class and analysing them. I can see how formulating the action in your mind via screenplay is a completely different (but similar) experience to reading a good novel.

In the screenplay world everything is in a constant state of flux, forever evolving. So my writing can too.

 

 

REFERENCES:

Mckee, R 1999 STORY (Chapter 18)

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the Uses of Photography studio. I have not only improved my technical skills with cameras and in editing but also in refining visual ideas and understanding the meaning of photographic works. I’ve met new people and collaborated with them which attributes to the whole positive experience of the studio.

 

The first project forced me to realise what kind of photography I liked best, something I never really gave too much thought. I just assumed that there were aesthetically ‘good’ and ‘bad’ photographs and I didn’t understand how to reiterate stylistic elements. My preferred photography style has a deep conceptual element, I really like themes of identity, femininity and soft lighting.

A huge development for me was my relationship with light. It changed a lot across the semester, particularly in Project Brief #2 where I manipulated light in both production and post-production. I had never properly been able to control light before in other projects. I realised how tangible light truly is for the first time when we did some class exercises at the RMIT studio. This was a highly useful exercise.

The experience of stories and strangers, both the class exercise of approaching strangers for a portrait and the assignment and the actual project, definitely improved my media people skills. It was a daunting experience to start asking people to take their photo but I eventually overcame this and trusted my people skills. I know this will help so much in future for artistic purposes and general media networking.

I think the final assignment is very beneficial because it has allowed me to create a body of work that is a direct product of everything I’ve learnt in this studio. I intertwined my interest of identity and photography in a unique playful way and I’m quite proud of how its turned out.

 

I now see photography as a broader medium than ‘images’ as I did before this semester. There are narratives in a single image, in a sequence and in-between sequences. There is a story in its context. There is a story in its placement. There is a story in its size. There is a story in angles, colour and most particularly, light.

Ultimately, through the ideas we’ve explored this semester, such as aura and mechanical reproduction, consent and privacy, and photostories, I have learnt how to better read and understand photographs which I think improves my skills as a photographer and artist.

My photobook titled Prized Possessions playfully explores the connection between material possessions and identity; giving credence to Sontag’s formulation that ‘the photographs are us’.

My photobook replaces portrait photography/identity with particular possessions, exploring the degree to which material objects contribute to who we are. Theoretically, the images of objects accompanied by text explaining their sentiment will represent a person, encouraging the reader to infer the connections between the possessions and people.

It engages with the photobook medium in a game style manner, though conceptually draws on the meaning and use of identity photographs.

THE BOOK:

The front and back cover of the book of my Aunty’s extensive wardrobe are a motif which depict that many items form together and tell of our identity.

The first and last pages comprise an assortment of identity photographs linked to the possessions and function as response answers to the possession clues.

Early this semester I reflected on Joanna Zylinska’s Photomediations, see http://www.mediafactory.org.au/giulia-mirabile/2017/03/04/week-1-uop/  however I believe my insights have evolved since then…

This week centred around development for the final project brief.

I chose to evolve my concept of prized possessions to prized identities and experiences and thought of exploring the relationship between material items and then their meaning to an individual. I was thinking about how photography can be used to visually communicate identity and niches. I was thinking of presenting a portrait image of the subject, then a photo of their prized possession accompanied by text all in alignment on each page.

I presented this idea to the panel in Tuesday’s class and got some great tangible feedback. At first I thought the entire idea was a bit cliche but I felt reassured by the playful possibilities the panel suggested in terms of layout.

It was suggested to reveal the identity of subjects in pages following the material possessions, or to do the opposite, present the subjects and then their possessions and the reader could guess the match-ups. Or even letting the photographs of the material possessions accompanied by text stand alone to formulate. The use of identity photographs rather than portraits was also discussed. Ultimately, the interplay of the subject (identity), their possession (the material) and text will make my photobook unique and more conceptual.

I think the best way to incorporate all these ideas is to firstly present the materials accompanied by text explaining their significance. Then the latter pages will include the subjects in an assorted order so the reader will need to infer the connections between the  possessions and the identities. (Similar to the board game Guess Who though guessing on passions instead of physical traits)

To open and close the book I’d like to use my Aunty Maria and her extensive wardrobe as a motif depicting that many of our possessions can define elements/draw assumptions about our identity, eluding to the fact that many things add up to make our identities.

In Friday’s class I ran this idea past Brian and he advised going to town on the playful/board game nature and suggested putting the answers to the identities upside down underneath.