I must have tried to write this post about 7 times. It is really difficult. One of the things I’ve always found really hard is to admit that I’m struggling. Previously in my life it’s always been looked down upon to ask for extra help or to say that you find something hard. But after a long reflection I am mad at myself. At the start of this course I was so keen to put in 110% and I didn’t want to waste any opportunity. I am mad because when all the assignments came in I let my anxiety and depression overwhelm me and my bed became my new best friend. Obviously this wasn’t the most productive of headspaces to be in so I watched classes and due dates fly by which only increased my anxiety. Even writing this now part of me in panicking because I think I’ve wasted so much time feeling scared and useless.

Well I’m here to say that revitalized me thinks that’s just not good enough. I came in to this course so keen to learn and expand my experiences. I should look at the tough times as challenges to overcome, not to be defeated by. Although I know I have a lot of work ahead of me I’m looking forward to taking the bull by the horns and doing as much as I can to make sure I never feel this defeated again.

I’ve been thinking of some strategies to use whenever I feel like I’m spiraling down hill again so I’m prepared for the worst. Being able to be confident enough to talk to someone, whether that be my tutor, my lecturer or someone in my class is a big step. But I know that everyone I have met so far are all lovely people, so it can’t be that bad right?

Like I said at the beginning, this is something that is difficult. But if I really really want it, which I do, then I’m willing to put in all the work necessary to do it.

So I would like to formally apologise for my absence. Author and Journalist Jack London said “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” I have recently furnished myself with a club. So look forward to many fascinating blog posts to come!

Until then,

Rose @)—