What have I learnt so far? Alright okay. I don’t know if it counts as learning but I’m apprehensive in a good way. I’m not a filmmaker and have never pretended to be so I’m curious (hmm) about how I’ll be able to use my skillset with this form of assessment, but I’ll make it work. Can’t be worse than that time I passed Media 1 with 51%; so, progress.
I’m feeling a little argumentative, which is better than feeling placid because it means (I hope) that I’m listening critically to what Adrian’s telling us. It’s all certainly very inote resting, and it’s making me curious to learn more, which is pinging that participation goal of mine.
Self-care is also a big focus for me this year, since I spent the back half of 2016 learning about my brain and what it needs. I’m excited to put it into practice. Though it sounds a bit strange, taking proper care of myself (from the boring stuff like sleeping to the more complicated, like knowing when to let things go and not take personally) will help me make myself more uncomfortable — which is where I create best. I need pressure to make anything at all but I don’t want to freak out and burn out. See: what happened in Media 1.
I’m hopeful. I like reflecting — to a fault — so I’ll be glad to work on it in a challenging context. There’s active reflection and cop-out reflection, after all. I’m good at bullshitting but I don’t want to lean on it when I could actually be using my brain.
How long is this writing period going to be? I’m really hungry and have a bit of a sore throat, I hope it won’t turn into a cold.
What I really hope is that the 22 years I’ve suffered my dad’s pop psychology will lead to me actually knowing how to ask questions. I can ask a decent one already. I mean, I know how to think about these things… whether I can effectively put them into practice instead of getting grumpy and resentful is a different story. I’m not as clever as I think I am, or I’m clever differently. I don’t know but I need to figure that out and this studio seems like a decent place to do it.
God I sound really insufferable, reading back on this. But I won’t edit it, that would be inauthentic.
