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Chronic Dissatisfaction.
I am fairly sure that if you were to type that into Google, a picture of my face would appear.

I sit here, labouring over this video – not because I find the software difficult to use but because I haven’t captured content that I feel is cohesive. I feel it does reflect who I am, not to the best of my ability but with the limitations of static video and not focusing in on anyone in particular, including myself, I’m using what I’ve got.

I was recently researching some fashion films as inspiration for a side project and came across one in particular that I felt represented my sense of humour quite well – The Purgatory of Monotony.
I think it’s hilarious.
Do I think I’m hilarious?..

I was typing ‘self portrait’ a lot into Google and Youtube last week and I soon realised that self-portraits were how I started with photography.

We spoke a lot about passion this week; do we start off with a passion or is it something that grows once we find something what we are good at and then work on that until it becomes part of every fibre of our being?
Once we have the passion, will it always be a passion? And does finding your passion necessarily mean that you’ll maintain constant job satisfaction (no)?

I believe that passion is something that you find through doing, as I am a product of this very example.

I tried piano in primary school and again in high school, at my mothers behest.
While I had potential, my teachers weren’t the most enthusiastic people I had ever met and leaving their class felt so good that I eventually never went back.

I finally hit 19, I was a distracted human and I still am to a degree, but my life experiences led me to needing an outlet.

I had always had a camera with me growing up.
I took photos of flowers, bugs, toads, rolling hills and droplets of water; all the riveting stuff!
Every time someone gave me a compliment, I was that much closer to my Nat Geo dreams.

On another note; I read an article not long ago about the youngest National Geographic photographer named Hawkeye (dubbed by his National Geographic photographer father).
He’s 3 years old and he made the Rolling Stones top 100 photographers and I just found out he’s releasing a book.
I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether you think he’s good enough for such an induction or not.

I digress.
So, I continued to take the photos and got the compliments.
My interests grew and began to blossom.
More photos were taken and communities were slowly formed.

Instagram was of major assistance in this area of forming friendships and meeting people who liked what I liked. It was a new concept to me, that is, finding my tribe online.
I was always told to be weary of the internet and not to talk to strangers, yet here I was, conversing daily with people I had never met.
These people were diverse and knowledgeable. I went to meet ups and my interest grew and grew.
I was soon surrounded with people of varying talents and self confidence, it was an amalgamation of sorts and each nourished me in a different way.
I learnt what I liked and mostly, what I didn’t like and made my own path.

I soon stopped taking photos of myself and began photographing others.
My confidence grew and so did my talent.

I’m not entirely sure where I was going with all of this but I think I’m essentially wanting to say that I have found a passion.
I think we all have them inside us but we’re all at varying stages of development and self-awareness, that is to say, we’re not all ‘woke’.
There’s an unlimited supply of passion, it’s not as though you find one and that’s it – you’re lucky to have found anything that you enjoy doing and to doubly do it as a career. That’s no easy feat.
I hope that I find a balance one day and end up doing something that even if every day isn’t bliss, it’s still working on and towards something that I’ll be proud of.

Show and tell of past student examples were shown in class.
I enjoyed the lengths at which people were willing to go to relay who they were within the boundaries of the exercise.
They were simple exercises but I think that’s why I found it such a challenge – in such a small amount of time, with static shots, to tell you who I am.

I felt that my gathered imagery and footage were very abstract and I was at risk of being ‘that girl’ in the class; attempting to step outside the box and use symbolism and who expected you to read between the lines and let the rhythm take you..
Not quite.
Truth be told, I hadn’t had a lot of time to collate footage and had had a very taxing week with work and other projects due that I wasn’t and still am not at ease with what I have created but I take comfort in knowing that it’s not what I am capable of doing and that I am capable of much better.

It was great to finally use the software and formulate some sort of narrative that I hope to evolve as time progresses.
I found the exercise itself was a great starting point, looking inward, which for many people, may have not been something they had done before.
What is it that really makes you you..

I can’t say that I was particularly surprised with what I’ve come up with.
As a portrait photographer I found the real challenge was not to focus on a person, as I base the entire foundation of my work on people.

Looking forward to see what abstraction I manage to piece together.

                                   Courtesy of Google Images

In our first week’s class, we were given an extract by Katherine Hayles on Hyper & Deep Attention to read over and discuss.
It resonated with me as it’s been a ongoing discussion that I’ve engaged with and instigated many times among friends and colleagues.
Working in media and marketing, I’m constantly trying to read the ebbs and flows of the ever-changing market, increase engagement with interesting content and to post at peak times.
Having to be hyper-aware of the habits of other hyper aware individuals is a huge task in and of its itself and it came as no surprise that
a study undertaken by the Microsoft Corporation found that our attention spans had decreased from 12 seconds to 8 in less than a decade.

As an individual running on hyper attentiveness, I’ve found, like most, that I can only slip into a deep focus state if my interest is triggered.
The girl next to me in class, Alice, mentioned that she would turn on a bad film or tv show to turn her brain off, not necessarily sitting there and absorbing the content but disconnecting from the exterior stimuli.

Another guy in the lectorial mentioned that while he may also choose to watch something numbing to switch off, he is still aware of the notifications, texts and calls that are coming through on his phone.

I find myself turning my phone on ‘do not disturb’ of an evening and sometimes ‘airplane mode’ so that I’m not disturbed by the vibration of the incoming texts as I try and disconnect and recharge my own batteries.

It seems we’re all having to actively turn ourselves on and off, that or we all know what our triggers are and we’re having to heighten our awareness by staying on top of these personal cues.

As for the above image, I found it funny but also took comfort in seeing a picture from the 1950’s that showcased an equally demanding lifestyle, albeit largely different to ours these days but nonetheless taxing.