Chronic Dissatisfaction.
I am fairly sure that if you were to type that into Google, a picture of my face would appear.

I sit here, labouring over this video – not because I find the software difficult to use but because I haven’t captured content that I feel is cohesive. I feel it does reflect who I am, not to the best of my ability but with the limitations of static video and not focusing in on anyone in particular, including myself, I’m using what I’ve got.

I was recently researching some fashion films as inspiration for a side project and came across one in particular that I felt represented my sense of humour quite well – The Purgatory of Monotony.
I think it’s hilarious.
Do I think I’m hilarious?..

I was typing ‘self portrait’ a lot into Google and Youtube last week and I soon realised that self-portraits were how I started with photography.

We spoke a lot about passion this week; do we start off with a passion or is it something that grows once we find something what we are good at and then work on that until it becomes part of every fibre of our being?
Once we have the passion, will it always be a passion? And does finding your passion necessarily mean that you’ll maintain constant job satisfaction (no)?

I believe that passion is something that you find through doing, as I am a product of this very example.

I tried piano in primary school and again in high school, at my mothers behest.
While I had potential, my teachers weren’t the most enthusiastic people I had ever met and leaving their class felt so good that I eventually never went back.

I finally hit 19, I was a distracted human and I still am to a degree, but my life experiences led me to needing an outlet.

I had always had a camera with me growing up.
I took photos of flowers, bugs, toads, rolling hills and droplets of water; all the riveting stuff!
Every time someone gave me a compliment, I was that much closer to my Nat Geo dreams.

On another note; I read an article not long ago about the youngest National Geographic photographer named Hawkeye (dubbed by his National Geographic photographer father).
He’s 3 years old and he made the Rolling Stones top 100 photographers and I just found out he’s releasing a book.
I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether you think he’s good enough for such an induction or not.

I digress.
So, I continued to take the photos and got the compliments.
My interests grew and began to blossom.
More photos were taken and communities were slowly formed.

Instagram was of major assistance in this area of forming friendships and meeting people who liked what I liked. It was a new concept to me, that is, finding my tribe online.
I was always told to be weary of the internet and not to talk to strangers, yet here I was, conversing daily with people I had never met.
These people were diverse and knowledgeable. I went to meet ups and my interest grew and grew.
I was soon surrounded with people of varying talents and self confidence, it was an amalgamation of sorts and each nourished me in a different way.
I learnt what I liked and mostly, what I didn’t like and made my own path.

I soon stopped taking photos of myself and began photographing others.
My confidence grew and so did my talent.

I’m not entirely sure where I was going with all of this but I think I’m essentially wanting to say that I have found a passion.
I think we all have them inside us but we’re all at varying stages of development and self-awareness, that is to say, we’re not all ‘woke’.
There’s an unlimited supply of passion, it’s not as though you find one and that’s it – you’re lucky to have found anything that you enjoy doing and to doubly do it as a career. That’s no easy feat.
I hope that I find a balance one day and end up doing something that even if every day isn’t bliss, it’s still working on and towards something that I’ll be proud of.