I am not a very sensitive person, especially when it concerns someone other than me. I am not at all emotional and even a little too insensitive, according to some of my friends.  So, when we were watching biographic film “Control” by Anton Corbjin, I was very much confused by the actions of the main character, lead singer of a band called “Joy Division”. It’s just so unnatural and weird for me to see a man, who has a relatively happy lifeset, suffer so much because of such, the way I see it, minor obstacles and challenges. You are not happy with your wife? Then why ask for a baby? Why not leave? Why stay in the band that affects your health so much? Why not just be with the only woman you have feelings for? I have so many “why’s” and not nearly enough “because’s”. So much pain and suffering that I just don’t see the reason for: Ian could change every single thing that was making him unhappy, except for the disease.

This film made me question the nature of songs I listen to: what was the artist going through that he came up with this certain melody, these lyrics? Was he suffering? What was going on in his heart and mind? When I came to think about it,  the most beautiful songs I know reflect so much pain. “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley, “Hurt” by Johny Cash, “Creep” by Radiohead, pretty much every Nirvana and Elliot Smith song, and so many more. Apparently, the best music, “alive” music comes from extreme pain and suffering. That’s something I haven’t really though of before.