This Tuesday morning I had decided that I wasn’t intelligent enough for the University degree that I was enrolled in, (Professional Communication). I had spent the first few hours of my day crying, convinced I would never reach my dream career aspirations. That was it, I was going to head into the city and seek an appointment with a professional in dealing with students that change their minds. I was going to become a primary school teacher instead. Im great with kids! I have 4 younger siblings, two of which have special needs (Autism, intellectual disability, epilepsy, ADHD) and I am a fairy already. Thats right, I just said I was a fairy. Although sometimes I am a mermaid. My part time job which I love is as a fairy party host for kids. Teaching would be less stressful, it wouldn’t be a big challenge for me and I’d certainly breeze my way through the course without the intense moments like this where I question my entire worth and ability… But then I realised, ok not straight away but the next day, that this was Mode 1. *Lightbulb*

I was AFRAID OF ERROR.I thought the easiest way to deal with this problem would be to CHANGE THE QUESTION. I was not going to challenge myself to find a new, better and more efficient way of doing something, I was just going to give up. I can admit to high levels of anxiety and stress, I mean, I even have the sedative medication to prove it. I have dealt with these feelings all my life. Despite all of my friends, family, teachers and grades assuring me that I’m in the right place, I’m just that sort of person. I will stress about the potential of failing before even starting something. But I eventually just sit myself down and get it done.

So thats what I’m going to do. I have wanted to work in the fashion industry my whole life. Why give up when I’m only a year and a half away from that dream? I’m not getting bad grades in the course that I’m in, and its highly unlikely I will fail. I’m going to continue my degree. If I feel the same way in a year and a half, I can look into teaching, Im sure there will be a good post-grad program out there right? So thanks a lot Chris Argyrus, and your theories of double looped and first and second mode and whatever the heck you were on about that didn’t make sense at first reading… IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!! 🙂

I didn’t go see a career advisor. I went to the very lecture of the class that introduced me to these theories and new ways of looking at things. Hooray Networked Media!!! 🙂