Project Brief #2 – Brydan Meredith – s3547569

The task below was written in our second class of the Semester. It required us to write about a place we liked and then begin imagining why someone may not like the place and whom these people/characters may be.

This task was a prolific one for me, it garnered colonels of ideas that were substantial enough to generate more ideas, which led to further writing.

That night I went and responded to my initial Brainstorming session with a short piece of creative writing.

The paragraphs in italics, that start with a bold word, are the ones I deem to be worthy of elaboration. Under these paragraphs I write about how they influenced my creative response.

 The Original Task – Brainstorming

I like the Beach.

I find it, like so many others, quite peaceful.

In an age where everything is so busy, where so many people do so many things, where everything changes in minor, irrelevant ways every day, beaches remain untouched by culture, they are timeless. Old but still significant. 

I think the above paragraph speaks for itself. I like how my protagonist can be alone yet completely in the open. It makes for an expansive image.

A lot of Australia’s national identity is tied up with the beach, considering that all the major cities are on the coast.

I hope to mould my piece into something that feels uniquely Australian. In this first draft it may not, but as I continue writing I want to begin to explore ideas relevant to Australians. Even by placing universal ideas in an Australian setting will see me achieve that.

Why might someone not like the beach?

It’s quite messy, you don’t feel clean, you get sand and water on your clothes and on your body.

The physical discomfort that I talk about here go hand in hand with mental discomfort that I explore in my writing. How physical aspects of the world give implied reasoning to particular behaviour is really interesting. Would my writing be more interesting if my protagonist, instead of falling to his knees on a cold morning at the beach, reacted the same way in his pristine bedroom with soft carpeted floors and perfectly framed photos hanging from the wall? These two images, of a man kneeling in despair on the beach or in his room connote very different things. The beach makes him appear more animalistic, he would be perceived as being poorer-without material possessions as well as physical wellness. However, if he does the same gesture in his room, the piece would make the reader examine the impact wealth has on his mental health. He would be perceived very differently. 

Can be cold and windy.

Potentially they could have had a near drowning experience or a loss of a pet or friend/family member to the waves.

Who would these people be? What stories would they tell?

Potentially gamers. People who enjoy passive entertainment. It would almost be a comical story, to have a bunch of gamers sent to the beach and experience something out of there comfort. You would also get a clash of culture between the surfers and the gamers.

People who are very body conscious: Often people wear less stuff at the beach because of its unique environment, it could be a source of anxiety for some people. You could tell a story of someone learning to accept themselves while at the beach. This could physically or mentally.

Maybe my story will not be about someone accepting their body, however it might be about someone accepting themselves. It might even be about someone coming to terms with the past. Nonetheless acceptance will be a theme.

The Creative Response

The silhouette strode across the sand until it reached the water’s edge. It had signed the divorce papers yesterday, spent a night at Park Beach Motor Inn, fucked some ugly stranger and walked here in the remaining moonlight. It was time for cleansing. Falling into temptation the Silhouette fell to his knees as the sun rose above the horizon.  

 Juliet, awoken by the light of the morning, felt nothing by her side. There was no longer a man next to her, no big hunk of flesh she could hang onto, no human heart beating in rhythm with hers. Draping the bedsheets over herself she let out a muted whimper. The sun fell through the window, it warmed her body as she slammed down a fist.

 The Casino, located half a kilometre from the beach, smelt like beer and mould. It is here where Juliet spends many moonlit hours. Sitting at the bar, night after night, she would listen to the same songs, if she closed her eyes, even just for a second, shapeless objects of green and amber would fall onto the black of her eyelids; darkness burnt with flashing light.

Many warm nights would be spent at the Casino, sitting on a red stool, rubbing sweat from her eye. She would watch the men drink, discerning between those who drank to be happy and those who drank to be sad. It was the sad ones she liked-they were the ones who would do anything.  

 The Questions

How do I think this piece could be improved?

I think I’ll start with the small stuff.  In my third paragraph, in my first draft (it has since been changed) I write It is here that Juliet spends her nights. Sitting at the bar, night after night, she would listen to the same songs. Firstly, I write the word Night too many times, it makes the whole scene start rather chunkily and clumsily. Secondly, it may be a matter of opinion, but I write the Casino rather vaguely, all we know about it is that it is half a kilometre from the beach, which is trivial and unimportant, and that it plays the same songs. The sentence about the songs, now that I think about it, seems to be more descriptive than first thought. Like the Beach ‘beaches remain untouched by culture, they are timeless. Old but still significant’ this Casino, could be untouched by culture, unwilling to change from the same old songs. Maybe this is a world I can explore in the future? A world where things don’t change, a world where history is bound to repeat, where people get stuck. And when they do get stuck how do they act? The Beach (and its surrounds) could be the ideal place for this, because it naturally doesn’t change. Through my further writings, I can begin to tease this out.  

What do I think works with the piece?

I think the relationship between the story world and the characters is strong. The idea (that I just touched on) of my characters being in a relatively flat, dry and unchanging world is something that, now that I’m conscious of it, works quite nicely.

I like whats not known about the piece. The protagonist is nothing but a silhouette without a name. Juliet is also shapeless, all we know about her is that she really likes lonely men because she can connect with their loneliness.

I also like the way I reference the moon. I don’t know why, but for me moonlight has a greater impact than sunlight. Moonlight connotes mystery, as if the things it does illuminate are less significant than the things it doesn’t.

By Brydan Meredith, s3547569