Ext. Night – Paris Sidewalk – next to river
She walks down the road, following her favourite route to the train. Deliberately taking the time to herself, in the fresh air.
She is following the lip of the path like she did as kid, placing her feet one by one in front of each other.
INT. Paris Train Station Escalators
As she enters the tube, she is dwarfed by the escalator and the structure, so much so she is looking wide eyed. A couple making out on the passing escalator are making their love for each other known to everyone in the station. She looks at them, then her eyes follow the tunnel to where she’ll be getting off the escalator.
INT. Train Station Platform
A train arrives. Superstitiously, she gets on the train, right foot first.
a) What works thinks is that I think it does tell a story that is reflected on screen. The narrative of the first 40 seconds of the film is in a fledgling state but Is building for an acceleration into building on the character development of the protagonist. I really felt (at the time) like it was necessary to add a more descriptive version of events which include, walking, standing on an escalator and getting on a train. The walking toward the train station just reminded me of someone who wasn’t in a rush at all. I felt like it was appropriate to dwell on that and make a point of how she appears to be walking. I think the slug lines are good, but with further local knowledge they’d be able to be used in a more effective way.
b) The more screenplays I read, the more I value brevity and than the embellishment of certain things. I feel like the opening although it works goes into a bit too much detail about things that don’t necessarily make a difference to the narrative as an entirety. Maybe if her childhood came up later, or if there was more emphasis on her past then the details would be relevant. Outside of sounding like a novel, and describing something nicely, it serves little to no purpose when it draws a scene out in a screenplay. Dwelling unnecessarily cant be the start of confusion for a reader. If a reader is confused by the format or the inconsistency within the writing, anything good coming out of a screenplay will be hard for the reader to find.