Partners: Darvey To and Jaidyn Attard
Group: B (make an audio visual based on a poem, then write a response – poem or 400 word prose – based on the partner’s audiovisual from the response of a poem)
NOTE: Just realised that whilst many chose the same poem to do this, we interpreted that we both do a DIFFERENT one…so either way uhhhhhhhhh….just roll with what we got? đ¤ˇđťââď¸
DARVEY’S VIDEO, BASED ON STANFIELD’S ‘[The earth shakes]’Â
JAIDYN’S {poetic} RESPONSE:Â
—————
JAIDYN’S VIDEO, BASED ON WILLIAM’S ‘Blizzard‘Â
DARVEY’S {poetic} RESPONSE:Â
clouds are grey
and iâm heavily dazedÂ
wind is heavy
and my world is rippled
wonder and yonder
desolate spacesÂ
lurking and searching
for home
aloneÂ
so far from you
yet
i canât see you
sunlight glimmers
fog lingers
birds twitterÂ
nature prospers
there are so much of you
but which one is you?
step, step, step,
till i walk to you
colour blooms before you
and yet
i am blindedÂ
in shades of grey
itâs cold here
Itâs empty here
am I here?
are you here?Â
1. Darveyâs Video and Jaidynâs Response
1A. The Earth Shakes â Darvey To
Wow! Very cool to see such a simple idea executed so well. The muted screaming, the black and white, and the slomo are all tricky to work with, but you have done so masterfully! The black and white looks great with your dark hair, and the slomo makes your scream seem so impactful.
I find that the player you uploaded this with was a little laggy compared to a YouTube video, but that seems like an internal error. Although I like the black and white, if there were some small, desperate spots of colour here and there, it could bring home the frustration and the longing that you are looking for.
This is a very unique take on the shaking of the earth. It not only seems like the earth is shaking around you, but that your core is shaking, too. Very little to critique here! One of my favourites!
1B. Response â Jaidyn Attard
I really like this as a standalone poem. It speaks for itself very well, and your choice of words are very strong. Some of my favourites include âshrapnel-dirtâ and ââŚrumbling, a dragonâs cavernous belly.â Sharp visuals!
The reference to the Clockwork Orange character had me confused. I have never seen it (I guess I should? Lol. Had to Google.) and I thought it was some odd wrestler name. Maybe broaden your metaphors instead of relying on pop culture which is very hit or miss? I think your formatting could use some tightening, as it took a few rereads to latch onto the flow of the piece. Seems a bit disconnected from Darveyâs?
Your final line is just⌠*chefâs kiss* STUNNING! It brings the story to an end, but also lets the reader know that there is work to be done. I enjoy your keen references to war and how you likened it to the struggling state of the world. A âwar on the earthâ so to speak. Well done!
2. Jaidynâs Video and Darveyâs Response
2A. Untitled â Jaidyn Attard
Although you filmed on a sunny/overcast day, you conveyed the idea of freezing cold very well. I felt cold just watching it! Your use of tilted angles helped add to the âsharpnessâ of the mood, and it was unapologetically itself. A bold, intriguing piece of work!
Your colour grading throughout this could use some work. The black and white to colour is well done, but the slomo scenes of the crosswalk and escalator has this odd blue wash that is out of place. Like I said with Darveyâs, the player is difficult to work with, but I think that thatâs an internal error. There is a sudden swipe of credits at the end that really pulls me out of the scene â although it only lasts a few seconds?
Once again, your shift from black and white to colour and back again is eye-catching, and you have some vibrant shots that I really love (especially the wildflowers near the buildings.) The loneliness of the subject is followed up strongly and keeping the ââŚNow arriving at Southern Crossâ announcement was a great call. Lovely!
2B. Response â Darveyâs To
Short but sweet! I could clearly see your inspiration from Jaidynâs video, and the two pieces are a great matched pair! Your formatting is always delightful â it makes me read the piece differently to how I normally would, and the heavy spacing helps me absorb what Iâm reading.
I think some of your metaphors are a little lacking, such as the âclouds are greyâ and âsearching for home.â Maybe expand these somewhat? Iâm not sure if there was a âyouâ in Jaidynâs work, so that part didnât quite click for me, but of course, itâs up for interpretation!
You write a great, ominous ending that shows the subject questioning reality. This works well with the continued theme of grey vs. overwhelming colour, and the line about colour blooming is stellar. Awesome!
I really enjoyed a kind of synesthetic relationship between the vibration of the breath (the screaming) and the vibration of the Earth (so in this case, the title of the poem is important to the video). The simplicity and length really work to allow the unfolding of this for an audience.
There’s a lot going on in JA’s video! Lots of experiments with time, space, rhythm, colour, shot choice, ‘character’, the spaces evoked by various use of sound… I think there’s a bit of refinement that could happen, or an unpacking of certain moments and phrases. Interesting that Darvey composed quite a spare poem in relation to this. Interesting conversation to be had here!